“The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps.” Proverbs 16:9
I was taught a principle several years ago in the LIFE community that in order to achieve success, long-term vision is necessary. Meaning, we must live in the present but always plan and see the future of where we are going. Imagine that you can see your life five years from now so clearly that it’s almost as if you are already living that dream. You can see the land you are living on with your family, the charities you are able to support, the people you are able to help and the lifestyle you are able to live. The dream is alive and well and there is absolutely nothing that can stand in the gap of where you are and where you are going. That’s where I was just months ago.
As some of you may know, I was diagnosed with a life threatening in-operable brain tumor about 6 months ago. At first I was in such denial that I didn’t want anyone to know about it because I was sure one day I would wake up and realize it was all just a bad dream. Or I would complete my treatment and it would all be over in just a couple months. Well, six months has gone by and having already been through 3 MRI’s with contrast, 6 weeks of radiation, daily chemotherapy, cocktails of medications, weekly blood draws, 10’s of thousands of dollars in medical bills and more doctor and pharmacy visits than I can even count the bad dream has suddenly become my reality. To say my long term vision is foggy would be an understatement. In fact, my vision and plans for the future has taken a complete 180 degree turn.
Since I have moved past denial and into reality, I have realized that like anything we go through in life, numerous lessons are learned along the way no matter what the situation. So this post will be the start of a series of posts that will reflect my journey of life lessons as God reveals them to me in the coming months.
Last Tuesday I started a new chemotherapy regimen in which I am required to complete a minimum of six rounds (cycles) over the course of six months and up to a year if needed. So for one week a month I’m hit with heavy doses of poison in attempt to shrink the tumor. As you can imagine, my options for treatment have been minimal. There is really no quick fix – but then again, is there ever? Prior to my first day of this new treatment I had to take a moment for myself to really gather my thoughts and think about my future. So as I normally do when I want to think deeply I walked to the river near my house and sat staring into the water. It’s the place I usually go to sit and read, pray and dream. Except this time my thoughts were much different – the sound of my doctor’s voice as he told me the laundry list of risks this drug carries now and in the future, the potential for this not to work, the fear of side effects this will cause, etc, etc. It was a defining moment when I could finally see how real this was. Then my thoughts turned to anger, frustration and sadness. My questions of WHY were never answered. I walked home feeling defeated and alone. Every other time I could go to my spot and I could sense God’s presence right there with me but this time He wasn’t there and it made my first week of treatment very unsettling.
When I played college basketball, every season my coach would tell us that we would have a week of tryouts that she called ‘Hell week.’ And anyone who ‘made it’ through the week without quitting or walking off the court was basically on the team. If cuts needed to be made after Hell week then she knew she had a strong group of athletes. I couldn’t help but reflect on those days during this last week of treatment. The physical, mental and emotional pain that we had to endure our first week of tryouts was strikingly similar to the first week of Hell I had to experience with my new treatment. Like basketball, there were moments when I just wanted to give up and quit; asking myself, is this really worth it?
When your vision and plan shifts so drastically and so quickly, you start to question so many things. It’s not uncommon to question yourself: did I do something that physically caused this? Did I sin in some way that this is God’s way of ‘getting me back.’ You start to question the doctor’s and hospitals: Are they really trying to help me or just fatten their checkbooks? Are they offering me the best care possible to get the best outcome? You start to question your faith: Is God really going to protect me and heal me? Is God really there or am I really just all alone? What I realized in my questioning is that such questions always arise when our life starts to change, whether that be good or bad – getting married, having a baby, beginning our spiritual walk, starting a business, going to college, getting a new job, re-locating to a new living arrangement, etc. And the only solution I have been able to find in my questioning is to trust God.
Trust God when you are walking down the aisle on your wedding day, trust God when you are signing the papers to your brand new home, trust God when you are holding your newborn baby for the very first time, trust God when you are laying in the hospital bed preparing for the scariest surgery of your life, trust God when you send your son or daughter off to college, trust God even when you can’t hear him answer, trust God with everything in your life because He is the only one that hold’s the answers to your questions.
“Look to the Lord and his strength; seek his face always.” 1 Chronicles 16:11
God Bless,
Kristen
What a well-written post, Kristen! Thank you for sharing; I believe you will help many who think they are going through “hell week” right now. You are in my prayers; stay strong! Deut 31:6 “Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.”
God bless,
Terri Brady
Thank you Terri, your encouragement, love and support has helped in more ways than you will ever know!
Kristen – thank you for opening your heart and sharing your amazing perspective. We have watched you grow over the years and transform into an incredible leader and example for so many to follow. Please know that your extended family is with you and praying for you. Hold tight to your trust in God as he walks with you and carries you at times through this journey. You are in our hearts ❤
With all our love,
Jennifer Samuels
Thanks Jennifer, your comments mean so much and I am blessed to know amazing people like you and Tim.
Kristen, Thank-You so much for your words. You have given encouragement and inspiration to so may. To see you living your faith, setting an example for others is once again an inspiration. Teresa and I will be praying for you in this journey.
I appreciate your comments, thank you Patrick.
Trust God! Wise words. Praying for you. What an example of faith! Thanks for sharing and encouraging all of us today!
Thanks Kristine, I was just trusting God 😉
Praying for you, Sweetie. And sending love and hugs, too.
Thanks Grace!
Kristen , I have looked up to you as a women of strength , for a very long time . I believe God has already used you to affect a lot of lives now . We never know what his plan for us is , but rest assured he does have one , and is with you even when you can’t hear him , We are praying for you .
Thank you Kelli, your encouragement means a lot!
Kristen, It took courage to open your heart and share these deep thoughts and fears. “Trusting God” is the only answer at every turn of our life. I will be praying for his loving comfort to fill your mind and soul as He heals your body.
Thank you, it means a lot!
Kristin,
I have always looked up to you since I have first met you. There was always special strength and grace about you and the core of all that has always been your love for the Lord. He loves you and you are His instrument. He has great plans for you. Hebrews 4:16 says ‘Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need.’
We love you and are praying for you. Hebrews 12:1,2
Venkat.
Thank you Venkat for your words, God Bless
Pingback: Part 1: Trust God – When Your Plans Change | Dennis Fisher
Kristen, you do not know me but I have been reading your blog for sometime now. You faith, adventure for LIFE, willingness to share deep thoughts with others and now your open heart is quite amazing. While we do serve an incredible GOD, you are experiencing LIFE that has more questions than answers. I will commit to praying for you. I will read your blog faithfully while you are on this journey. I am going to ask GOD for a miracle. Your writing is an inspiration to others. Not to be coy, but YOU GO GIRL! Your friend. Ric
Thanks Ric, it’s not for me it’s for Him. I figure there’s more lessons than just I can learn from all of this. I appreciate your comments
Kristen, your are in the thoughts and prayers of so many! You are such an amazing leading lady and have touched the lives of so many single AND married ladies. I believe that your trust in God will pull you through this as yet another example of your amazing spirit, attitude and will to win. we are praying for you!
Thank you Kelly, I really appreciate your comments.
I am so sorry to hear this is happening to you. Your words are inspiring. Prayers for you!
No need to be sorry Carol, there’s gotta be a reason…just trusting God.
What a beautiful reflection. We are praying for you, Kristen! May you draw strength from the many people lifting you up during this time. God’s peace be with you.
Thank you Angela for your kind words.
I’ve seen you speak often in Wisconsin and have seen your tremendous growth in your leadership organization and you have been an inspiration in leadership and you continue to be an inspiration in your health battle. Jeremiah 29:11-13 “For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me, and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart”
Thank you for the scripture verse Anna, it’s perfect.
Thank you for your inspiration to all of Team and others. You will be in our prayers.
Thank you for your comment Rob and Lois
Reblogged this on Children of the Words and commented:
Kudos to Kristen for giving her life into God’s hands. Over the past two months I struggled with some of the same feelings (milder, I’m sure). I lost my job. I was angry. I was disillusioned. I couldn’t believe things had gone this way. I’ve learned so much about God’s provision. Wherever I go, his plans are not thwarted.
Amen!
I can understand your frustration and emotional swings thinking you are in this alone and not being sure our Lord is always there. I pray that that reason presents itself for you if we understand we will be comforted. At least we will know the Lord’s reasons. You are not alone.
Thanks Randy.
Praying for you. You don’t know me but I was at the convention when you went round table. Your are such an inspiration to so many lives and people you don’t even know. Stay strong.
Thank you Jolene, your comments are appreciated
Kristen,
You have already, and will continue, to make a difference in so many people’s lives. You already have been an inspiration to me. Although I’m sure difficult, thank you for sharing your story. You are in my prayers!
Thank you Elizabeth, it means a lot!
Kristen – years ago when my daughter had her doubts of God’s presence I drove her to Lake Michigan. As God would have it the setting was perfect. A heavy fog had rolled in on a very still day. As we sat in the car in silence and I let that quiet sink in. I broke the awkward stillness and said to Andrea, Think for a moment that God is like this massive Great Lake! Can you see it? No, she responded! Can you hear it waves rolling? No, again was the answer! But my dear daughter . . . do you KNOW that Lake Michigan is there? Well, of course Mom, was her retort! As it is with Lake Michigan – even tho the fog blinds your view of the lake’s majestic endless view and your ears are silent from its crashing waves – it does not take away from the fact that Lake Michigan is still there! So it is with God, at times He is still and there can be a hindrance blinding our view of Him. However, we know in our hearts the Lord is still there . . . so we wait until He once again reveals His majesty to us. Thankfully it is always in ways we never imagined or could dream on our own. So dear Kristen God is there and I know you know that in your heart. We are praying for you often. “Lord BLESS Kristen abundantly today and on the days she greatly needs your presence. In Your Son’s precious name we pray. Amen and Amen.?
Wow, Kelly thank you for sharing that story. What an incredible analogy to help us understand God’s presence. Your daughter is very blessed to have a mom like you.
What a wonderful post Kristen! Your perspective on what you are going thru and life is truly inspirational! God Bless You!! And keep up the GREAT fight!
Jamie Campbell
Thank you Jamie for your comment.
Kristen,
I have seen you speak on the LIFE stages and you continue to touch lives through your words! Thank you so much for sharing your struggles. It really does help so many of us realize how previous life is and that it can all change so quickly. Your strength and your relationship with your Lord will carry you through! My thoughts and prayers are with you!
God Bless!
Brandie
Thank you Brandie, that means a lot
Kristen
Great post. Trust in the Lord with all your heart, mind and soul. God has always been there for you and he will see you through this too. Thank you for sharing. I know it was not easy to do. Stay strong. God bless. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
(Las Vegas – Patriot Revolution)
I appreciate your comments Barbara, God Bless
Kristen – thanks for being vulnerable and sharing your experiences. I have often prayed Psalms 6:2-5 as a prayer for others with similar struggles. We will be praying for you as well. God bless you as you continue to serve and lead even in the midst of trial.
Thank you Kevin, that is a great verse. God Bless
Kristen – you are a strong, vibrant, determined lady. I admire your strength as you go on this journey. You have always been an inspiration to me. I love when you came and speak in Neenah. God has you on a path and holds you tenderly in his hands. So many people care for you and send their love. Feel the prayers surround you in a big hug. May the love of friends give you courage and hope.
Thanks so much Elaine for your kind words, you are too sweet and very encouraging. God Bless
Kristen, you have created a ripple affect for so many to follow by your leading example of living a Christ driven life. You continue to share your passion and vigor for a life of purposeful meaning & love. You are living out God’s plans, and, though there are many questions unanswered; you will prevail. Jeremiah 29:11
Steve
Thank you Steve for all the encouragement, you are awesome. Keep leading my friend!
Kristen: Somehow I knew this great act of courage would be forth coming. You are too wise to not realize God works in mysterious ways. We mere mortals can only see so far and our loving Father sees all things. We must never forget when we feel far away from God He is not the one who moved. When troubled I try to remember the hymn “Precious Lord take my hand.” Put your hand in His allow Him to lead you on.
Bill, I can always count on you to say the right things, blessed to call you a friend. See you this weekend!
Kristen just seeing you grow these last few years have been amazing. You have inspired so many of us in so many ways. You have done the uncommon and the results show in many areas of your life. God does have a purpose for all of us and its up to us to let him lead. Your attitude and strength inspires us. Stay strong and thank you.
I appreciate your comments Ryan, it means a lot! God Bless
Dear Kristen i know we haven’t met but you are a true hero to anyone.You stay strong and keep believing in god and he will be there for you.
Thanks Leon, I really appreciate your comments. God Bless
My dear sweet friend, I know how difficult it was for you to share this, but know that your story is necessary for others to hear so that they may offer prayers on your behalf to our kind & loving God and see an example of faith. Your story is also undoubtedly going to help someone as they go through life’s struggles. Stay strong and as so many people have already said, God is with you, right beside you, every step of the way. Thank you for being vulnerable & opening your heart. Love you hon!
Thank you Joanne for all you do, I pray that someday this will serve as proof that God is in control of all things. Love you
Kristen,
Thank you for being a serving leader! You are a great example, especially for young women.
We cannot fight this battle for you, but we can surely bring our requests into the throne room of the most high king! Isn’t it amazing that we have a friend with connections?! I think about walking into the Oval Office to ask the president for a favor….how much more powerful is our God?!
There are so many times that our plans have changed and we were without control, but God is good and sovereign. What a wonderful father we have! I pray that you would have peace and comfort in knowing that God is in control.
Amen Teesa, thank you so much for your comments. They are very heartfelt and kind. You and Adam are awesome!
Thank you for sharing, Kristin. We never know what is going on in a person’s life just by looking at them. I am sad to hear your news, but also want you to know that you have a lot of love and support, and attitude makes all the difference, as you’ve learned at a young age. Good thing you dug your well before you were thirsty. We will keep you in our thoughts and prayers.
Thank you Mary, I really appreciate your comments. God Bless
You’re welcome, Kristin. My husband, Pat, said he spoke to you this afternoon in the arena. I didn’t mention his illness in my previos post, but now that you know his background, maybe I can give you some hope or perspective, based on our 17 years of experience. Pat is here today by the grace of God. There is no logical explanation. His Bone Marrow Transplant, which he had after living with cancer for 9 years, was just one of his brushes with death. We believe God has been using him to give other people hope and a different view of what living with cancer really means. He has helped so many people over the years, at all stages of his illness.
I believe God has chosen you to show people the way to Him. This may sound strange, but that is quite an honor! We never really know why He does what He does. But look at the position you are in right now……how many people you have influence over. He has seen what you’ve done with the gifts He has given you, and is trusting you in an even bigger role right now. I hope you are understanding this the way I mean for you to understand it.
As much as we try to plan our lives, we know that God is in control, and can make any of us do a 180, as you’ve just experienced. As you said, you have long term vision, and all of a sudden things change, and your entire life is uprooted. Know that God trusts you to walk with him, and maybe He chose you for this journey because it would give you a specific way to share the Good News with so many other people. And eventually you’ll be back on that path that your long term vision has helped you plan.
Although I don’t know you well personally, I’ve heard you speak several times in Neenah and Green Bay. I respect all you’ve done, the leader you’ve become, and the hope you’ve given to so many people. I hope I’ve helped you some how. Living with Pat has been a privilege because I’ve had a front row seat to his great attitude and to Seeing him help other people. His attitude has helped me, as I had my own diagnosis of a rare and incurable cancer last Sept. I was able to have surgery, but have had to slow down my LIFE journey while I’m healing and adjusting to treatment. If there is any medical advice I would give, it would be to learn as much as you can about your specific situation, advocate for yourself, and to get a 2nd opinion. I’m sure you’re getting a lot of well intentioned advice that you may not want or need. God bless you, and please know that you can reach out to us and so many other people. God bless you.
Mary
Kristen, I only know you because of LIFE. I have been reading your blogs for just a short time. My thoughts and prayers are with you. God gave me a new chance at life when I had brain surgery in 2005. You will receive a peace and calm giving your trust in the Lord and knowing His power is with the medical staff who are working with you. You always have your LIFE community to lean on whenever you need us. You have my e-mail address so if there is anything I can do to help you, please let me know.
Sherri, thank you for sharing your story, it means a lot! God Bless you in all that you do.
Hi Kristen,
I just read your post and I am blown away! It takes courage to trust God and you are walking this road with such a remarkable spirit! Thank you for sharing your story with such raw and genuine honesty! I know that God is using you to minister to so many people! I am holding you up in prayer.
For I know the plans that I have for you, ” declares The Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11
Thank you Nancy, it is great to hear from you! I appreciate the prayers – you had a lot of influence in my spiritual walk and for that I can’t thank you enough 🙂
Kristen, Thank you for being an awesome servant leader! You already have a huge following and now it’s growing even faster as you continue to build leadership communities and you touch many others through this struggle. April and I are praying for you and look forward to witnessing your growing influence for Him!
Thank you Keith for your kind and encouraging words, God Bless!
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