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I had been sitting at the airport restaurant waiting for my flight to depart when the waitress approached and asked if anyone would be joining me. To which I responded, “nope, just me.”
For the majority of my life that phrase has been a normal part of my vocabulary. In fact, thinking back, the longest relationship I ever had in high school lasted three months and I can hardly call it a relationship because I was barely 16 years old. In fact just a couple of months after I broke up with him he started dating a really good friend of mine and they have been together ever since. Today he and my friend are married and have a child together. What a blessing that it didn’t work out because they are the perfect couple. God had it planned.
College wasn’t any better. For four and a half years I devoted my life to education, basketball, business and work. The last thing I cared about prioritizing into that schedule was a man. Once I graduated I realized how lonely life had been due to the poor relationships I had with people and many years of isolation; that loneliness led to a period of desperation where I just wanted to meet someone. A good friend of mine from college was in a similar boat so we willingly agreed to try online dating together. Both of us were too prideful to admit to our friends and family we were doing it and our lack of success in the process proved to be accurate as we both failed miserably… but, formed a library of funny stories in the process.
About a year after that experiment I took it upon myself to give it another try. This time though I had been starting my spiritual journey and I could see more clearly the type of man I was looking for. Another friend had referred me to a Christian dating website that she had found success in and it had led me to my first official adult relationship at the age of 24 (nearly 8 years later). The person I met had every quality I had been looking for but I realized 9 months into it that we had no chemistry so… we broke up. Six months later he met the woman of his dreams and he too is now married with two children. God had that one planned too.
Ever since then I have been single. In fact when people say they have been single their entire life, I hesitate to believe them unless they have a track record as slim as mine (less than 12 months of relationship experience in 28 years). I am still not sure if I should be proud or embarrassed of that. For as long as I can remember I have questioned what was wrong with me as I patiently sit on the side lines lovingly watching my friends walk down the aisle and bring children into this world with tears of joy streaming down my face but tears of sadness filling my heart as I question whether it will ever happen for me. I jokingly embrace my single-ness to other people but deep down I long to meet that special someone. I confidently express my patience to the public as I wait on God’s timing but deep down I continue to question if God really does have someone for me.
Psalms 145:16 says, “You open your hand and satisfy the desires of every living thing.”
I read this verse as if it says, if you desire to be married, if in your deepest of hearts you desire a mate, then God will satisfy that desire. It wasn’t until I started to grow closer in my relationship with God that my patience grew stronger. Granted, it is easy to lose that grip when the temptation and pressure to be in a committed relationship gains weight and you start to lose your patience. But, my single friends, you are worth more than a casual non-committed relationship. Don’t lose your grip. You are valuable, you are precious. You deserve commitment and stability and God promises that. It’s funny because I often tell my friends that when I find ‘the one’ he better be ready. I don’t have time to waste in the normal two years of dating and another two year engagement. Ha, but then I am reminded of how naive that statement is. It isn’t my timing, it’s God’s timing. (Oh, and I suppose he has to know to).
What I have learned is that when we pursue a relationship for the wrong reasons we ultimately fall into relationships that are drenched in drama. God does not want us to ‘settle’ for something less. It is finding that place of peaceful existence with the person God has prepared for us. I want to be in a relationship that doesn’t compete with my relationship with God. I know it exists. We can have both. We don’t have to choose one or the other. We just have to have peace in knowing that it’s out there for us.
The purpose of this article is to encourage other single men and women to be patient and find peace in being single. I promise that the plan God has for you is worth waiting for.
Love, Kristen
In the meantime, God promises this:
Thanks Kristen, for sharing this! It blessed my day. And no, you’re not the only one that’s (28 and less than 12 months experience of relationships) that’s my story as well actually. I can definitely relate to the next to last paragraph that you wrote and I for sure had times where I became a bit anxious about ever finding ‘the one’ But, I’ve also found a peace in being single and I know that God has someone picked out for me. Thanks so much for the encouragement! P.S. I think it would be awesome to be RT and single, or is that a selfish thought?
Yes John, HE does have someone picked out for you! Keep being you and that special someone will come along when you least expect it. God Bless
I couldn’t have said it better. I have found my way back to God and he has a plan for me. So I am just riding the wave till I know what it is.
Awesome, great attitude Angie!
Dear Kristen thanks for your words of wisdom and encouragement. Many in this society equate singleness as a defective state of being. Yet the apostle Paul writes to those of us as single individuals to take advantage of this time and dedicate our life to take on God’s work on this earth. God created us to be in relationship with another but everything in due time. Being single — It is a difficult walk sometimes but oh how worth the wait for God’s perfect mate.. So patiently I’ll wait for God’s perfect mate for me.
Amen Imelda, he is out there for you! 🙂
Kristen, Thank you for giving all the “singles” encouragement when it is needed most.
It is hard as a parent to wait for God’s plan to unfold when life is in the hurry up mode. Thank you for giving me perspective back to be patient for love is an awesome gift when you find the one! God Bless
You got it Brenda! I find that it’s around this time of year that we struggle the most – so thought it would be a great reminder. Thanks for the great perspective!
nicely said. two people have asked why are they still single a and I answered with the basic law of attraction answer… you ask for but have no faith, you still sleep in a single bed made for a child, your coffee pot make one cup, only one place to sit in the living room, no cash to go on a date, spendt on silly things instead, If you ask God for rain where is you umbrella. one of the two understood and made the changes and is now married, the other who dd not display a change in his faith still the same.
Interesting concept Marty! Thanks for your input.
You rock sister! That’s a powerful and very important message! Thank you for sharing and encouraging all of us ‘singles’ out there. Matthew 7:7
Thanks for the verse Micah. What a great one! God bless
Kristen:
You have incredible wisdom & a fabulous way of expressing that wisdom. God has the perfect Soul Mate out there for you. Right now he is saying the same thing – looking for you!
Awe you are too sweet Jennifer 🙂 Thanks for your kind words!
Beautifully said! I walked that same journey for 33 years, hoping and praying that God would have the right man for me. Somewhere along the journey, I realized that God wanted me to live fully, right now, not just when I find the one. At an unexpected time (just 6 months ago) and in an unexpected way, God provided the most amazing and “perfect for me” man. Looking back, I can say he was worth the wait and the heartache I felt. Continue to live fully and draw close to God as He unveils his plan for your future.
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.” -Jeremiah 29:11-13
Casey, thank you for sharing your story, it is very encouraging! So happy for you 🙂
Kristen you have a great attitude, your gratitude shows through. We are all interdependent, whether we are single or married. We’ve all got lots of support and connections, in so many different ways in LIFE. Every one, at every stage in their life, can find a place to serve, and receive. The journey of life, where so many people cross our path, until that one-then another new chapter begins…. Keep writing your chapters!! Love and hugs from up North of 49.
K-
I always enjoy your writing and the way you encourage those who are reading. God really did have someone for you 😊 and I am so thankful you were committed to waiting. Hope it was worth the wait. And don’t worry…no need to drag it out when you know God has written a pretty crazy…I mean amazing story 😉
~T