I could finally see the wreck from a distance; cars were backed up for miles on this long and curvy one-lane road and when the scene first appeared at the base of a Virginia mountain-side, I gasped–not at the sight but as I noticed the mile mark—3-1-6.
Almost two years ago I had made the decision I was going to move. God had been giving me confirming messages through prayer and scripture and by this time it wasn’t a matter of if…but when. My pending thoughts on moving were a conversation between me and God so when I eventually revealed the news to my friends, family and business partners (about 6 months later), conflicting opinions created controversy.
“Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the Lord your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you.” Deuteronomy 31:6
It had been a tough year. No, I take that back. It had been a tough three years; periods filled with beautiful peaks and very deep, dark valleys. Pain. Fear. Loneliness. Defeat. The valleys seemed to last so much longer than the peaks and it wasn’t as if moving to a new location would change that reality; however, I believed that the new scenery would help me to see the beauty even in the valley. Needless to say, I wanted a fresh start–somewhere else.
I think so many people are afraid of change because it’s so unpredictable. But isn’t life unpredictable? It doesn’t matter if change happens to us or because of us, it will still happen. I decided that if change was going to happen to me anyway, I was going to embrace it and in fact, create it.
A current and prior health train-wreck and financial train-wreck had left me very hopeless for months. Just because we know Jesus and have a relationship with Him, doesn’t mean we are immune to negative thoughts (or the enemy’s attacks). Actually, I’ve come to realize that the bigger the faith, the bigger the target. So watch your back and be prepared for anything. And instead of delaying the inevitable (change happening to me-as a result of circumstances), I decided to be proactive—and hoped to create something positive from it.
So last June of 2014 I sold and gave away all my belongings (by that point it was just meaningless baggage I wanted to leave behind), moved into a vacant condo (that a friend graciously let me stay in during my transition in Wisconsin) – with nothing but the necessities, and I began my search for a new “home.” I vaguely give specifics of what was happening during that time because the details aren’t important for this particular article. However, please don’t misinterpret the message because the decisions, circumstances and changes were far from easy. Change is never easy. I didn’t know exactly what was going to happen next, I didn’t even have a plan (not recommended) but surprisingly I was calm and at peace with whatever it would be.
“Now may the Lord of peace himself give you peace at all times and in every way. The Lord be with all of you.” 2 Thessalonians 3:16
…And As God always does, He aligned a location (North Carolina), a place to live, income opportunities for financial stability, a church home AND people; my, how He aligned me with amazing people! All in less than 30 days. It was home. (God honors our faith. See Hebrews 11:6)
Now, being eight months into this “fresh start” in North Carolina – a location that had never even crossed my mind when I first thought of moving, but now can’t imagine being anywhere else… I can finally look back and see God’s hand in ALL of it! Praise be to HIM!
I think sometimes we mistake the challenges God gives us as punishment or persecution, rather than opportunity. I spent a lot of time being mad at God because of where my life was at – and never really looking inward at myself and the opportunities for learning or growing from those challenges. Lesson repeated until lesson learned. UGH! I lacked faith. Sure, from a distance it may have appeared that I was faithful, trusting and obedient. But God knows our hearts. And admittedly, my heart was timid, frustrated and scared; and my inaction proved it.
It’s a humbling experience when God’s grace meets our pride (and selfishness) and we finally realize how helpless we are without Him. We’re usually faced with two choices–continue doing the same things as we were – and it will usually get worse, or surrendering and giving Him the power to control our destiny (or destination in my case) – and it will usually get better. I knew I had to start walking in faith and asking Him to show me the way, lead my steps and pave a path…if I wanted things to get better.
And He did!
...But, it required me to take action, to take the first step!
…and walk by faith…
The irony of it all was that the verses that kept popping up in my Bible reading prior to the move all had the numbers 3-1-6 in them! Even the bracelet that I wear today as I write this post is the well known verse John 3:16.
Coincidence? Hardly.
It was as if He wanted me to stop and see mile mark 3-1-6 during the 15 hour trek as confirmation that where I was headed was part of HIS plan (not my own). All the challenges that I used as excuses for not stepping out in faith for so long were now erased when I took the first step…and God made a way–just as He did when He sent his Son to the cross as a living sacrifice for our eternal redemption:
“For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.” John 3:16
A life-transforming move to the South may not be in your future (like it was for me) but I pray that you embrace change, walk by faith and trust Jesus who will lead you towards an amazing “final-destination” — in Heaven.
“…He causes His sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous.” Matthew 5:45
Most of the articles I write are born out of personal experiences. When a crazy idea or experience emerges, I then reflect on whether the information will be helpful or relevant to whoever may read it. Usually it will take days, weeks or months for an idea or experience to be a complete; however, this one took just hours.
Sunday afternoon I was reading a book at my usual spot down by the river. The sun was shining, a warm breeze cooled the Wisconsin air as husbands and wives paced side by side for their afternoon walks, father’s and son’s cast their fishing lines into the raging river hoping to reel one in for a picture, avid runners clocked their times as they hit each mile marker. It was a beautiful day.
It wasn’t long before the clouds rolled in and I felt the first rain drop hit my nose. In seconds people started to flee towards their cars to shelter themselves from a potential heavy rainfall. I couldn’t believe how quickly an active and friendly area soon became an empty, dark and desolate landscape. I froze this moment as I sat and witnessed this and began to connect and relate this scenario to real life…how the physical weather carries a similar connection to the mysteries of living. How sometimes we can go days, weeks, months and even years experiencing ‘pouring rain’ with little hope that there is a misty calm approaching; or sometimes how our life can feel like one big gray cloud that never seems to rain and never seems to shine; or sometimes how people run and hide from potential rain when most of the time it’s never as bad as they anticipate.
Let me relate this to my own personal journey. Anyone who has experienced any major challenges understands the pain associated with losing patience and hope. For the past 18 months I have gone through a cycle that I can honestly say has been the most challenging, painful and stressful time of my life. I thought I knew struggle prior to this rainfall but my perspective has significantly changed in the last year and a half.
It was around 2011 when the warm and bright sunlight of my life started to turn into gray clouds. I was anticipating a storm I just didn’t know how bad the storm would be or how long it would last. I was living a very happy, healthy, purposeful, financially stable lifestyle with a thriving business and a passionate pursuit to make a difference… when subtly gray clouds started to come in. I wasn’t surprised. Life is full of unexpected challenges. However, these gray clouds seemed to be different. They weren’t real obvious at first and I continued to live my life as if the clouds weren’t there – like I would get a headache and call it ‘stress’ or I would have a sleepless night and blame my coffee obsession. The physical pain of life never really bothered me. I was used to physical pain. I was a competitive athlete for over 18 years. I’ve blown my knees out playing basketball multiple times, sprained my ankles more times than I can even count, have had concussions, jammed fingers and black eyes from elbows to my face…my bones pop, my muscles ache, it’s just the reality of being a former athlete….so the little daily abnormalities never raised any concerns for me.
But, it seemed very quickly the scattered gray clouds grew denser and darker. My personality and attitude began to change (for no clear reason). I was more edgy, unapproachable, negative and distant (or so I’ve been told). It seemed like I was having more bad days than good days. The physical abnormalities I had experienced for years were starting to frustrate me…a lot! It wasn’t long before other areas of my life started to get increasingly difficult. A rough batch of roommates/tenants created financial strain and extra stress, a good friend would quit my business (and I would take it personal), a fight with a family member created unresolved tension and conflict, a prior 30 minute headache turned into three days with no relief.
My gray clouds quickly turned into scattered showers. It seemed like in some areas of my life things were still going well but in other areas things were just beginning to fall apart. Of course in the moment we don’t see these things as gray clouds or scattered showers. We live each day and thank God for only 24 hours because it means we can start fresh a new day; but some of those ‘new days’ seemed to be no different than the previous. I would wake up with every intention to have a positive attitude and outlook but then on the way to a meeting I would get a speeding ticket or I would get a phone call that someone close to me just passed away; pretty soon those ‘clumps’ of days turned into weeks of unending scattered showers. It didn’t take long for an unexpected raging storm to drench my life.
Ironically Wisconsin has been hit with several days of heavy rainfall. Even as I write this the thunder is rolling. But on Sunday afternoon the analogy was so clear. I could see the clouds getting darker in the distance. I could see the rain a few miles out. However, I could not predict the downpour that was about to take place. That’s what happened in 2012 when the downpour of my life hit me without warning. Sometimes, if you are lucky, the rain dissipates before it reaches you. Sometimes it moves in a different direction and someone else gets hit with it. In my case, God pointed that rain in my direction and I was not prepared to take shelter.
Looking back I can see that the scattered showers were actually warning signs from God. Either I would listen to the warning signs and do something about it before it got worse or I would have to accept the fact that heavy rain was coming my way. I’ve also learned that sometimes God has to go to extremes in order to wake us up and/or teach us something. Again, anyone who has experienced heavy rainfall for any extended period of time knows what I am talking about. I am not referring to the one or two bad days a month where everything seems to be going wrong. I am referring to the continual ‘bad days’ …and worse, not being in control or having a solution for those days.
I could argue that probably 90% of the time most people have a choice on whether their day is going to be filled with sunshine or filled with rain, just by their attitude. During most of my scattered showers, there probably could have been more days of sunshine if I would have just chose to have a better attitude. But, it seems like 10% of the time (in life) there are those moments that even a good attitude usually can’t improve the situation (i.e. grieving the loss of someone you love, serious illness, abuse, marital stress, financial disarray, etc, etc). That 10% is what I like to refer to as the ‘raging storms’ of life.
It’s in times like these that our trust and faith in God is most important. Without going into any major detail I can say with certainty that the heavy rainfall I experienced these last 18 months have been, without a doubt, an enormous test of faith. From a car accident that left me lifeless for over a month, to an inoperable brain tumor diagnosis, to major treatment decisions such as 6 weeks of radiation and several months of chemotherapy, to multiple days and weeks at a time of physical pain and sickness, to financial stress due to large medical bills, to almost losing my house, to watching team members and friends walk away from their dreams, to a healing that left me relieved but completely lost, to financial collapse, to depression, to loss of hope, to another brain tumor diagnosis, to the loss of my last living grandparent, to a family collapse and a 3rd brain tumor diagnosis; it has been a period of pouring rain with very little sunlight. I guess the old saying is true, “When it rains, it pours.”
And yet, even though it is still raining, I can finally see the sunlight beaming through the clouds. I can’t even count the number of times I thought the heavy rain would never end; that I would never see the light of day.
All of us experience different heavy storms in life and most people experience storms multiple times throughout their life, even for extended periods of time. It’s a very challenging and confusing place to be. And sometimes the storm hits you even when you try to seek shelter but often times there is no shelter at all. The storms of life are meant to change your landscape. If your landscape isn’t changed in some way, then it probably wasn’t a storm.
If you are being drenched right now, I want to encourage you that things will get better. There is always a calm after the storm. But in the meantime, here are some things that have helped me have patience and hope in the pouring rain:
Stay positive– Always be the light in a dark room. You can’t always control your circumstances but you can control your attitude in those circumstances. It helps to surround yourself with a community of friends and people who are encouraging and uplifting. LIFE Leadership has been that community for me.
Stay busy(with your priorities) – Keep your mind focused on the things and people who are important to you.
Do things you enjoy and are passionate about – Even when you don’t feel like it, force yourself to do it anyways.
Don’t complain about your problems or your bad day– The more you complain, the worse it makes you feel. BUT…
Communicate with trusted family, friends or mentors– The storms of life should never be handled alone. Guidance, support, encouragement and love is so crucial. But make sure to communicate those struggles only with those closest to you.
Serve Others – Help other people make it through their storms and you will likely think less about your storms.
Pray – Spend time communicating with God.
There are a number of other ways to overcome the raging storms of life and these are just a few that have helped me. I pray that if rain is pouring down on you right now that you cling to the hope that there IS a calm after the storm. There is a rainbow coming. There will be sunshine again. It’s just part of the process. Be patient. God has a plan for the rain you are experiencing and He wants you to use this experience to glorify Him.
Sunday afternoon when the rain came pouring down, I just sat there and let myself get drenched. It made me feel more alive than I have felt in a really long time. If you have ever been completely drenched from a rainstorm you understand what I mean – you can feel every drop, the chill runs through every vein in your body, your heartbeat races just a little bit faster than normal and it practically takes your breath away. It was the first time I was able to thank God for the raging storms in my life because it meant that I am still alive. It meant that no matter what happens to me in the pouring rain, there is ALWAYS calmness, rainbows and warm sunlight to look forward to – whether it be in this life or the next! Stay strong when rain pours down on your of life (because it will) and hold onto the hope that someday we will get to experience eternal sunlight forever with Jesus.
Again Jesus spoke to them, saying, “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will not walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.” John 8:12
Don’t be afraid, for I am with you. Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with with my victorious right hand. Isaiah 41:10
Recently I have been studying the story of Job. Anyone who knows his journey in the Old Testament knows that he was one of the most faithful of all biblical figures in that time period and his story is marked as one of the oldest books in the Bible. For those who don’t know the story I am going to briefly summarize a portion of it for you now.
Job had a very good life. In thinking about LIFE leaderships 8 F’s I would say Job ‘had it going on’ in all eight categories. He was strong in his faith – he worshiped God in everything he did; and all other categories were exceedingly abundant. “He had seven sons and three daughters, and he owned seven thousand sheep, three thousand camels, five hundred yoke of oxen and five hundred donkeys, and had a large number of servants. He was the greatest man among all the people of the East.” Job 1:2-3
While Job was not perfect (but he was darn close) Job knew that he was a fallen man and was very humble despite of all his blessings.He always knew Who to give the credit to. “Then the Lord said to Satan, “Have you considered my servant Job? There is no one on earth like him; he is blameless and upright, a man who fears God and shuns evil.” Job 1:8
God loved to brag on Job because he was the model man for all of God’s people. Satan didn’t like that and was sure that Job was only faithful because he had been blessed abundantly. “Does Job fear God for nothing?” Satan replied. “Have you not put a hedge around him and his household and everything he has? You have blessed the work of his hands, so that his flocks and herds are spread throughout the land. But now stretch out your hand and strike everything he has, and he will surely curse you to your face” Job 1:9-11
God sets out to prove to Satan that Job is not righteous just because he is being blessed. God challenges Satan telling him,“Very well, then, everything he has is in your power, but on the man himself do not lay a finger” Job 1:12. Job lost just about everything; his sheep, his oxen, his camels, his servants, and all of his sons and daughters, but remarkably he did not lose his faith in God. What was Job’s response? “Then Job arose, tore his robe, and shaved his head; and he fell to the ground and worshiped. And he said: ‘Naked I came from my mother’s womb, and naked shall I return there. The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; Blessed be the name of the Lord.’ In all this Job did not sin nor charge God with wrong” Job 1:20-22.
Job’s reaction during such a trial is so encouraging. He never lost faith. He worshiped God, he said that he came into this world with nothing and will return with nothing, the Lord has taken away all he had except his wife and even his wife told him to “curse God and die” and Job continued to bless the name of the Lord (Job 2:9). In all of this, “Job did not sin nor charge God with wrong!” Job 1:22.Satan must have been angry at Job’s response. Job suffered unjustly and yet he did not blame God.
There is a lot more to this story. I encourage you, if you have not read it, to learn the intricate details of Job’s faith despite all of his challenges and even more, learn the ending. This is a very basic summary describing Job’s faith but I share it with you today because it is quickly becoming one of my favorite books of the Bible; and here is why.
I am reminded that even though the story of Job is so old, it is very much applicable and comparable to most people’s lives today. Let me be very clear that I am not saying people’s lives today can even compare to the sufferings of Job, but his story is a measure of struggle in our lives and allows us to examine our own faith. For example, when everything falls apart (whatever that may be for each person) does one curse God and blame God for their suffering or worship Him and draw closer to Him in faith? Those are the questions I continue to ask myself as I examine my own circumstances.
For those of you who have followed the journey regarding my brain tumor last year, you already know that by God’s grace and love and the support of amazing people in my life, I was healed last August. At the time I closed the book on that story and attempted to put the pieces of my life back together when everything fell apart. I just knew God was faithful. I knew He had a plan. And to my amazement His plan was carried out in one of the most miraculous ways possible. Looking back on all the intricate details of that journey and how each decision was carried out and examining God’s mighty hand throughout all of it, I am humbled that He gave that story to me. But, while I thought that story was over, God must have known it was just the beginning. Just another reminder that we can never predict God’s plan.
In a follow up MRI in late January I was told that there is another tumor – different diagnosis from the first but similar location, but it is benign. I didn’t quite react as foolishly and fearfully as I did the first time knowing that my options were completely different than the first time around. In knowing this diagnosis and realizing that God led me to homeopathy last year through amazing friends in LIFE leadership, I have decided to choose the homeopathic route again, completely trusting in Jenn and knowing that God is in control of this outcome as well.
However, in addition to the most recent diagnosis in January, just this past week at a recent appointment I was told that another tumor has been spotted near the back of the brain, attached to a nerve. This one is described as malignant. Yes…cancer. So now there are two.This recent news has forced me to think about my entire journey so far and in doing so it has also allowed me to re-examine my faith; hence why I started this post with the story of Job.
The very essence of this has certainly caused me to think deeper about life but beyond that, it has forced me to draw closer to God in searching for answers and accepting the reality that this is serious… but not fatal. Why? Because I have one of the wisest homeopathic specialists in the country working with me and I have a very powerful and mighty God. I know with certainty that God did not cause this to happen. This is not God’s fault (so non-believers get that out of your head), how could I possibly get mad at him? The reason things like this happen isn’t because of God, it’s because of sin. God didn’t create sin and He didn’t create evil. We (humans) did – way back in Genesis. God only provided a Savior (when He knew we would be faced with injustice and suffering) in His son Jesus Christ to overcome all the sin and evil of the world – even brain tumors..yes Jesus died for me so that someday I could live eternally with him, tumor free! Even if not in this life, I have hope that this plague isn’t forever… all because of Jesus. And for that I will always thank Him and draw closer to Him.
God is the hero, not the villain. In fact, it’s an even stronger reason why our relationship with Him is most important – especially during challenges. One day those challenges will cease to exist. One day we will know why bad things happen. But until then all we can do is what we know God has given us the power to do – trust in Him, pray, love Him, live for Him and draw closer to Him. Because in the end, our relationship with Him is what will really matter.
So with this recent news I thought it would be fair to ask this question:
Has an obstacle challenged your faith?
Has a terrible loss of a loved one burdened you to the point of giving up? … If so, draw closer to God.
Has a difficult relationship with someone in your life torn you to pieces? … If so, draw closer to God.
Is your health on shaky ground? … If so, draw closer to God.
Are you faced with a financial challenge that you can’t seem to overcome? … If so, draw closer to God.
Are you questioning your purpose? … If so, draw closer to God.
Are you lonely? … If so, draw closer to God.
Are you afraid? … If so, draw closer to God.
“For the wages of sin is death but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Romans 6:23
The hinges of the flood gates were weak and the salty downpour was a constant threat.
I was at the point where anything had the potential to tip me over.
I’m normally not an emotional person, so being in that state made me feel unstable, vulnerable and weak.
I lay in bed trying to figure out what’s wrong with me? Was I subconsciously drowning in my own self pity, fearfully questioning the next chapter of my life?
Perhaps, but something uglier was going on.
I had been feeling defeated, judged, worthless, guilty, ugly, unstable and selfish; and as a result my behavior and attitude reflected my thoughts.
Old habits that I had been freed of years ago were resurfacing, and lies I no longer believed were echoing in my ears and directing my actions.
As I lay crouched up on the couch staring into the fake embers of my gas fireplace reliving a day of selfish behavior and meltdowns, the ugly whisper returns:
…you haven’t changed one bit now have you?
…what a waste of a life you have had.
I was reliving the lies of my (misunderstood) purposeless past.
For months I had been believing these lies, indirectly forcing me to question my existence and calling.
When eventually one morning I woke up to a quieter whisper, gentle but firm.
It bid me to start writing about the lies that I had been hearing.
When I was finished with that, I began to pray for change, truth and clarity.
I paged through the bible looking for verses that would bring light to my darkness and suddenly I found myself filling my page with words of freedom and hope.
“Lead me in your truth and teach me, for you are the God of my salvation; for you I wait all the day long.” Psalm 25:5
“Truth shall spring up from the earth and righteousness shall look down from heaven.” Psalm 85:11
“Little children, let us not love in theory and in speech but in deed and in truth.” 1 John 3:18
And, my favorite:
John 8:32 “And you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”
…And just like that the lies had lost their sting – in fact these words empowered me.
It makes so much sense now. Of course Satan would tempt me into believing that I am worthless and purposeless. He is the complete antithesis of truth and life.
The chains that had been broken five years ago when I accepted Jesus as my Lord and Savior were already stripped from me and no lie, no matter how believable, could ever reconnect those chains.
Ironically, just a couple days ago I was diagnosed with another brain tumor – different from the first. Were some of the emotions I had been feeling linked to this subconscious but ultimately true reality? I may never know. But what I do know is that God does have a purpose and a plan. And despite the recent news, I am confident that one day I will have the answers. But until then, my hope rests in His truth and His word.
…”For I know the plans I have for you, “declares the Lord,” plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11
Jesus is freedom and He is truth! And it is by His grace that we have been set free from all the lies, sin and pain of this world.
For the rest of our lives we will be surrounded by situations and lies we can’t explain but the truth is that if we don’t receive them, they can’t have power over us. Remain faithful, live courageously and arm yourself with the Truth as your sword and shield as you go out and battle the deceit and trouble of this world.
(In Latin) Veritas vos liberabit – The Truth Shall Set you Free
To stand up to any challenge, spend time on your knees.
Yesterday was the one year mark of the car accident that drastically changed my life. It still amazes me how blurry this last year has been and yet each moment is vividly clear as I stomach the thoughts of how difficult it was. Last year I spent Thanksgiving alone and in bed and I can hardly remember celebrating Christmas. I think I made an appearance somewhere? And yet this was all before the brain tumor diagnosis. I had ignored every potential sign that there was anything seriously wrong for months or even years which of course led God to intervene. I guess I just didn’t realize how persistent He was going to be. I certainly wasn’t grateful (at the time).
I was reminded this past weekend listening to Chris and Terri Brady speak at a LIFE Leadership seminar that people and community are what matter most, especially during challenges. I have always known this being that I love to serve other people. But the word ‘service’ means and feels totally different when the role is reversed. I have always had a hard time accepting help and even when I could barely make decisions on my own I fought tooth and nail with those who were only out to serve me. How selfish was I to be so stubborn. But I am so thankful looking back that the people and friends around me, especially men and women like George and Jill Guzzardo and Dave Chatmon, didn’t buy into my stubborn and manipulative ways and continued to serve and love anyways.
So as I was thinking about this topic I couldn’t help but reflect on the last couple of months. Despite a fantastic victory after a very challenging year, my life didn’t immediately turn into roses and butterflies. In fact, the challenges continue to pour like hot lava that just won’t harden. I haven’t been able to figure it out. My frustration led me to seek God.
One thing I know about God is that He always finds a way to show us what we need to see.
I was out and about and stopped to fill up at a gas station at about 10pm last night. Normally I pay at the pump with a card because it is quicker and easier but this time I wanted to get coffee so I went inside and paid with cash instead. There was a gentleman in front of me who was paying for his gas along with what looked to be possible dinner. He didn’t bring enough money in with him so he would have had to run back out to his car and get more. Listening to his conversation with the clerk (which I normally don’t do) I realized I had a few extra bucks in my hand so I offered to throw him the remainder to pay for his food. He said, “no no, I have money in the car that I will run and get.” To which I responded looking him dead in the eyes, “no, please let me.” And he did.
It wasn’t much. In fact, any random person off the street could have and would have done the same thing. But I left that gas station feeling so great. It got me thinking so much about this last year and how little I have been willing and able to serve others. I had been so focused on myself and my own problems that I forgot what was truly important – other people! No wonder I was feeling so crummy.
Philippians 2:4 says, “Do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others.”
Oh sure, I never gave up loving people but I was missing the most important piece: serving them.
Steven Covey talks about in his wildly popular book “The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People” that it takes 21 days to create a habit. What I realized after last night is that I was not making a habit of serving other people. My acts of service have been so sporadic and inconsistent that I often forgot how good it felt to do it. I know from past experiences that it was always when I was focused on other people’s needs that my needs seemed less critical and in turn didn’t consume my life.
So with the holidays approaching and knowing how difficult this time of year can be for so many people I am marking today as the start of my ’21 days of service’ project. Every day for the next 21 days I will do something, big or small, to serve someone else. I want to create a habit of serving others every day. Anyone reading this is welcome to join me.
Certainly life will still continue to throw curve balls, mountains and speed bumps along our path but if we just stay consistent and focus on the needs of others then maybe, just maybe, those challenges will seem less severe. In fact, the other day a good friend of mine sent me an encouraging text reflecting the words of one of her second graders which read, “You could be nailed to a cross!” WOW – Perspective change right in that moment. Jesus came to earth to serve us and died on a cross to give us victory and hope. We owe it to Him to pay it forward. Who is with me?
“Not to the strong is the battle, Not to the swift is the race; Yet to the true and the faithful Victory is promised through grace.” Fanny Crosby
Life is a series of events. We are born, we grow up, we go through school, we make friends, we get educated, we find a job, we get married, we buy a house, we have children, we retire, we grow old and we die. Everyone’s order of events may be slightly different but for the most part the events follow the same line. What makes each person unique is the story that is created between events. The dreams, the struggles, the lessons learned, the conflict, the growth, the love, the purpose and the victories. I believe God knows our story even before we are born (Jeremiah 1:5). However, sometimes it is the decisions we make in life that can interrupt the pattern and outcome of our story.
Re-born 2009
For example, there was a time in my life that I did not know Jesus. In fact I made it all the way to my early 20’s before I had even learned who He was. It was a time of confusion, hopelessness, frustration, conflict and dis-function. The decisions I made were not Christ centered, they were ‘me’ centered. God recognized my selfish ways and used other people to open my heart to His word. Whether you believe or not, you are created with the spirit of God and whether you are born into a family that aspires for you to develop a relationship with Him or you discover it on your own, He is in you. For me, He put people in my life who could educate, lead and inspire me to know Him. Oh how grateful I am for that because I am not sure how I would have made it through the last several months without Him.
I would say my story is very unique in that it seems every chapter of my life carries a weight of baggage that gets heavier with each passing year. Between a divorce, murder, abuse, alcoholism, eating disorder and everything in between I could easily say I am no stranger to challenges (however, these challenges don’t define me anymore). So when I was diagnosed with a brain tumor I didn’t react how most people might. I didn’t get real emotional and I didn’t get angry, I just got really confused. Like when you work so hard for something and it doesn’t turn out the way you want it to. I thought, “God, what the heck are you thinking? I have so much to do… I’m not finished yet, I’ve barely started… Why are you doing this? I don’t understand…” I just sat in the office chair with my eyes closed and head leaning against the wall as my doctor delivered the results. Confusion is a very frustrating place to be. I returned to my car and just sat there in silence not knowing if I should scream, cry or pray.
Over the next few weeks I reflected on the last several years. I was reminded of the possible symptoms I was hiding from that could have been signs. Since high school I had dealt with bad headaches. Some which left me hospitalized due to seizure-like symptoms. I recall a specific time in college during basketball season after one of our long road trips that I had experienced a headache like none other on the bus ride home and I didn’t say anything to anyone. I remember walking down towards the parking lot in the middle of winter with a gym bag and backpack at about 1 o’clock in the morning. Then the last thing I remembered were the two men’s team players helping my coach lift me into her vehicle where I was taken to the ER, drugged and sent home. I obviously must have passed out from the pain. Over the course of at least 7 years I had multiple tests done including sleep studies and EEG’s with diagnosis ranging from cluster headaches to migraines but I was never given an MRI. I was so used to ‘dealing’ with pain by now that any probable signs didn’t appear as red flags – they were just bad days. The ‘pharmacy’ I started to acquire from the cocktail of medications on my counter only left me more frustrated and hopeless. And nothing ever seemed to work at prevention. Whether the headaches I still continue to get have anything to do with the tumor is beyond my comprehension but I am sure having a brain tumor didn’t help any.
So after college and for the last five years I gave up seeing doctor’s. I was sick of getting the run around – I just had to learn to deal with it. It didn’t help that I didn’t have health insurance and I knew how expensive healthcare was. I wasn’t about to get into debt over this incurable pain and it was enough of an excuse to avoid any further medical treatment altogether. Young, active, healthy me is now learning the hard way. (P.S. if you are reading this and you don’t have health insurance – GET IT NOW!!! Learn from my mistakes). Then, in two back to back years – 2011 & 2012 I hit a deer (both in mid November late at night) and totaled two cars. Thankfully the deer I hit in 2011 I was able to walk away from without a scratch. My car and that deer didn’t get so lucky though. But God has an interesting sense of humor. He obviously was doing everything in His power to get me to a doctor because after the 2012 deer hit (going 80 mph on the freeway) I was left with a ‘head injury’ of all things. Thank God that’s all it was but it was enough of a burden to leave me lifeless for several weeks. To think, God sacrificed that poor deer’s life for me.
Eventually, I started to have some good days following the accident and was trying to adjust getting back to normalcy. Then one night, while at home alone I felt the rush of heat and blindness overcome me and down I went – hitting my forehead against a wall on the way down. As soon as I regained consciousness I texted my friend Joanne to come over and she immediately drove me to Froedert. That’s where the brain tumor diagnosis began. For at least two months after the diagnosis (during the watch and wait period) I was in a restless state of denial – this can’t possibly be real. But once they did the 2nd MRI, reality had set in. That was definitely a turning point for me. When we go through struggles and finally face the truth we really only have two options in how to handle them – we can develop a will to fail or a will to fight. The will to fail attitude is a point of giving up, defeat and cowardice. Failure in this situation would end in my demise so my only option was to fight.
I had some pretty big decisions to make moving forward. I am naturally a very indecisive person so making these types of life and death decisions were not easy. There were many days I was so afraid to face the situation that I didn’t even want to get out of bed. Just think about a time when life was really difficult. The world would continue to move forward without you but it seemed like your world stopped. And no matter how much you wanted to move with the world, negative forces were constantly pulling you back. I just wanted to fast forward through this entire scene of my life and yet it seemed to be going in slow motion. The 2nd MRI results terrified me – the tumor was growing and it was growing fast. Anymore growth and it was certain I would lose my sight. It suddenly made sense why my vision seemed so off all the time. The tumor was also pressing against critical nerves and blood vessels that made it inoperable and life threatening. I was no longer confused, I was scared. I was not prepared to die yet, this was not good news! Everything started to move really fast after that point. My only escape route out of this was to make decisions I didn’t want to make and do things I didn’t want to do. As odd as this sounds, I almost wished they would have just told me, “Kristen, you need brain surgery.” At least then the decisions would have been out of my hands. Or so I thought…
Lesson 1 – ALWAYS Seek Council
Many of the poor decisions I made in the past resulted from following my own advice. I did not seek counsel and I did not seek God. I am thankful to have mentors like George and Jill Guzzardo and Dave and Tina Chatmon who were able to help with the decision-making process. But the most important connection I made was with God. It was ultimately Him who I seeked most.
My first option was to combine 6 weeks of radiation with a daily chemotherapy drug which was shown to delay tumor growth. I was told that radiation can cause hair loss at the point of contact, inflammation in the mouth, difficulty chewing, speaking or swallowing, poor appetite due to changes in food taste, fatigue, personality changes, memory problems, secondary cancers and infertility. So wait a minute… I might not be able to eat…or think…or have children? How is this helping me again? I did not want to do radiation for the life of me but unfortunately my options were so limited I didn’t have much of a choice. This was the quickest and most effective way to stop the tumor from growing. Quick, HA! It was the longest 6 weeks of my life. But thankfully it worked (according to the results from the 3rd MRI). But the treatments didn’t stop there. Because of the location and urgency, I needed to start the next option of treatment to potentially shrink the tumor – tiered chemotherapy for a minimum of 6 to 12 months – much different than the one I was given with the radiation. The list of side effects are much too long to list but the biggest blessing that came of it was that I didn’t lose all my hair (like they mentioned I might). As superficial as I felt it was, it was really the only sense of dignity I had left. (I have to thank my friend and hairstylist Sandy for the extra prayers on that one).
The poisons and the toxins that consumed my body were enough to send me to an early grave but by the grace of God my life was spared. During all of this I was so conflicted. Just imagine what it would be like if someone told you that in order to save your life you would have to drink poison (because that’s what chemotherapy is). And yet each day I had to face this mental hurdle. While I was trusting God to lead me in the right direction, I continued to fear making wrong decisions.
But God had a plan. He always does. He heard my cries and He recognized my fear. He was just waiting for the right time to reveal His perfect plan. I think God sometimes uses pain in order to heal.
In June, I attended the LIFE leadership convention in Ohio. I had been looking forward to it for months. I prayed constantly that God would relieve me of my physical pain just for a few days. All I wanted was one weekend of learning, excitement, laughter, fellowship and fun. I didn’t think it was asking too much. But God thought differently. Instead of feeling great that weekend, I was miserable. The intense noise in the arena, the confined seating arrangements, the flashing lights, the nauseating aroma of hot dogs, pizza and popcorn lingering through the hallways – it was so uncomfortable. It was the middle of day two when I received the text from my mentor Jill Guzzardo. “How are you doing?”
Lesson 2 – ALWAYS Choose Honesty
I have always been guilty of hiding my feelings and emotions. I don’t like to complain just as much as I don’t like complainers. But when the text came in this time I had another decision to make – tell her I was great, or tell her the truth. A dishonest prideful response would have only left me alone back at my hotel room for the remainder of the night and weekend (and of course the rest of this story would not even exist). What did I have to lose, maybe she could help.
In short, I told Jill how I was really doing and she went into action. To my surprise she was able to lead me to a comfortable, quiet place where I could spend the remainder of the weekend – something I would have never expected. While that decision led to a series of God moments, the most important God moment happened Sunday afternoon when my friends Laurie and Terri explained a treatment option to me that I hadn’t thought about – homeopathy. I was then encouraged to follow up with an incredible woman named Jenn who is specially trained in this field.
This was also unfamiliar territory for me so I continued to reflect on the weekend and pray about the decision before moving forward. I just didn’t want to set myself up for even more disappointment. But I knew I could trust these woman more than anyone so what did I really have to lose? Thankfully I received so much confirmation and it just continued to build my belief and confidence in the process.
Two weeks later and away I went. Initially I started with 12 gallons of ‘formulated’ water and 400 natural supplements that I was told break up tumors. I was so used to taking pills that downing 100 supplements a day for 4 days was a piece of cake. No side effects, no pain – this was awesome!! I received the first regimen before visiting Jenn for the first time because we wanted to get the process moving. Instructions were to drink a half gallon to a gallon a day so I drank a gallon. In my first visit with Jenn she found multiple tumors using her scan in the same location that the MRI showed. Wow this thing was accurate! After identifying the tumors and the crud that created them in the first place I was assigned with 11 more gallons that were more customized towards my chemical make up along with 200 more supplements. The process is too complicated for me to explain, I didn’t really care about how it worked, I just wanted it to work! And 23 gallons of water and 600 supplements later, at my 2nd visit with Jenn the tumors were gone! I was issued 6 more gallons and 3 more bottles of supplements for brain ‘clean up’ but according to her scan, I was tumor free!
Lesson 3 – ALWAYS Trust God
Truthfully, I had no confidence in the radiation or chemotherapy. I couldn’t understand how it could possibly work. I just felt like they were delaying the inevitable. But I continued to trust God that He would work it all out.
I can guarantee that if it wasn’t for my faith this journey and story would be so much different. I’ve heard it said before that God never gives us more than we can handle. So He must have thought I could handle this and every test along the way. There were so many times I found myself taking early morning drives down to the lake and afternoon walks down by the river in order to ‘escape’ and spend time thinking and praying without distraction. All the little decisions that I trusted Him with could have meant a completely different outcome had I not turned to Him.
Just to confirm that Jenn’s test was accurate I went to get my 4th MRI and for the first time I felt peace of mind knowing that whatever the result, God was in control. If I was meant to be healed, I would be. And deep down I just knew this had to be part of His plan. He had equipped and put more amazing people in my path in order to prove His faithfulness. Well, the results came back and it confirmed what I already knew to be true, the tumors were gone!! The look of shock on my doctor’s face was absolutely priceless! He even double checked the name to make sure he had the right report 🙂 Yup, it was mine! This man, a brain oncology and neuro specialist with over 31 years of practice was undeniably speechless for the longest and most awkward minute imaginable. In my steady flow of tears I was able to express my faith with him and I could just feel the Holy spirit working on his heart.
It’s nearly impossible to describe the feelings I had as I approached my car and sat down after the appointment. I didn’t call anyone for at least an hour because it too left me speechless. All I could do was thank God for this blessing and all the people who might now come to know Him as a result of His healing. I thanked Him for the people who have supported and prayed through all this and for the doctor’s who didn’t waste any time starting treatments and delivering results. I thanked Him for using women like Terri, Laurie, Jill and Jenn and for giving them the courage to reach out and recommend an alternative approach. I just have so much to be thankful for! Honestly, I still can’t grasp how this could have logically happened, it is still so surreal but I just know it had to be the work of God. Every doctor who viewed my reports told me my best chance was a calcified tumor that stopped growing. None of them ever considered a disappearance. Wow, God is great!
Up until last week all I could think about was the little time I might have left on this earth. And if this was the way He wanted me to go, then I needed to be ready. While I prayed for healing I was also preparing for Heaven. There is a quote by Plato that says, “Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.” I don’t know where you are at today in your life but I want to assure you that God has a perfect plan for your situation. You may not know what that is and chances are none of us will ever know until we see Him again – all we can do is continue to trust God and live our lives for Him.
Ironically I heard this song multiple times throughout my journey:
I just want to take a moment to thank everyone for the prayers and support throughout all of this. A major challenge for me was putting my ego aside in order to let people in on the journey. But it wasn’t for me, it was for Him. And as the amazing Terri Brady would remind me, “compassion is showing your scars to someone with open wounds.” Just as she shared her scars with me, I hope to be able to do the same for others who are battling similar circumstances. I like to say that my life is just another reflection of God’s amazing grace. While I know I don’t deserve the many blessings He has given me, He still continues to love me anyways.
Events like this should serve as constant reminders to not take anything for granted. Each day we are given is special and we should always live it as such. No matter what I will continue to give God all the glory in everything I do with the time He gives me.
“For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord. They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. In those days when you pray, I will listen. If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me.” Jeremiah 29:11-13
As soon as we read the title I’m sure our mind automatically turns to ‘life in prison.’ Mine certainly does. When we see what’s happening in the world around us – on the news, in our communities – it seems that a countless number of people are committing disturbing acts only to face a consequence that deems impossible to undo. A consequence that, if written about, would portray an unfulfilled life of regrets.
But the life sentence I am referring to has nothing to do with felonies, convictions or a prison sentence. When I was in college I took a literature class that really made an impact on me looking back. In that class the professor had us write a condensed autobiography as if we were writing it about our entire life before we had actually lived our entire life. So for example 90% of the students in the class were 22 years old or younger. Most of us had not experienced anything worth writing about up to that point. Her goal (I believe) was to allow us to think critically about the decisions we would make in life if we knew it would be written about 60 years later. I was 21 years old when I took this class so for me specifically I had to imagine that I was 81 years old writing an autobiography outlining the life I had not yet lived.
It was the most difficult but best writing experience to date. Included in the directions were guiding questions that I believe made all the difference in how our young minds thought about life. These were some of the questions:
Did your career make a difference in people’s lives and give examples of how it made a difference?
What favorite memories can you share that involve family and close friends?
What struggles were you able to overcome?
How well did you play the hand you were dealt?
What were you able to contribute and are you happy with your contributions (financially, time, love)? Give examples.
What lessons did you learn?
What were your passions and did you pursue those passions?
Do you have any regrets?
Did you find purpose and meaning in your life?
If your life could be remembered in one sentence, what would be written?
I know, pretty deep questions for a 21 year old to think about (or anyone for that matter). I found my binder with my report and all the instructions included and it’s amazing how different my autobiography would be today if I were to do the same activity all over again. It truly is amazing how our perspective on life changes as we get older. Now granted I am only six years older but my thinking is drastically different.
What I never considered six years ago when writing this was the fact that none of us are guaranteed tomorrow. However, it seems that most of us live our lives as if tomorrow is for certain. It wasn’t until I was given a death sentence that my life sentence began to change. But all of us are given a death sentence – it doesn’t matter if the diagnosis is made my a doctor or by God, none of us will make it out alive.
So will the decisions we make today matter in eternity? When I ask myself this question it forces me to re-evaluate my priorities. I know perfection is impossible – every day we will fall short no matter how much we do and how hard we try; that is why Jesus was sent to the cross. But that does not give us permission to live a mediocre life or play small (as Chris Brady says). Our days are limited whether we are 1 year old, 21 years old or 81 years old. How many times do we have to hear ‘life is short’ before it actually hits us that life is short?
As I meet people and ask the deeper questions I find out how many people are living an unfulfilled or mediocre life. Not always by choice, but by default. It doesn’t surprise me though because I too have been there many times. It’s easy to get trapped by meaningless things that steal our time. But I believe so many people are looking for a way to change their life sentence. No matter how busy, distracted and stressful life can be, everyone wants to succeed, make a difference, love and be loved and find happiness. Instead of a life sentence of regrets, why not create a life sentence of resolutions.
For me, if it wasn’t for the LIFE community and the amazing leadership of Orrin and Laurie Woodward and George and Jill Guzzardo I know I would still be living a very unfulfilled life that was leading me down a path of regrets – afraid to ask myself these deeper questions. While I will always continue to fall short, I have hope that my current and future decisions will reflect a life sentence worthy of being written about. The mission of LIFE leadership is to bring world class information to the masses (millions of people) so they can choose to live a live of purpose, principles and priorities. LIFE is offering people a chance to re-write their autobiography in a way that will reflect a life of resolutions and not regrets. When it’s all said and done what will be written in your LIFE sentence?
My brother, Craig Seidl, asked that I provide an update on progress that he can post to his website. I thought it would be only fair to post the update and thank you to my website as well:
I just want to thank everyone so much for supporting me during this challenging time. Words can’t truly express my gratitude. I have had requests about an update so I wanted to make sure I honor that promise by keeping people informed.
As of last week I just finished my 2nd round of chemotherapy. This medication is specific to treating aggressive forms of brain cancer. While my diagnosis is likely benign, due to the inoperable nature, my doctor’s feel the best approach is to treat this as if it’s malignant in order to get the best results possible. While it’s been challenging to expose my body to such high doses of toxins, I am very hopeful for a complete recovery. When you hear people talk about the horror stories of being on chemo and radiation, it really is hard to understand until one actually goes through it. I have known many people in my life to have dealt with serious health issues and my respect and admiration for anyone who has been where I am at is unexplainable. Not only is it difficult physically, it is equally challenging mentally and emotionally. But on a positive note, if you are looking to create a lifestyle change, this has to be the best approach possible. 🙂 Since April I have managed to lose over 40 pounds and am finally back to where I was at when I was in the best shape of my life. Because chemo and radiation changes the way food tastes (and also makes you sick), I now only enjoy eating fruit, salad and soup. Who would have thought? My oncologist says it’s not very common to lose that much weight in such a short amount of time without actually trying so I am known as the healthiest sick patient he has 🙂 Hooray!
In addition to the above treatment option, I have also decided to take a holistic approach. I figured it certainly wouldn’t hurt to try. A couple good friends of mine and incredible leading ladies in the LIFE community recommended I give it a shot. They referred me to an expert in the field of natural approaches to health (who is also an amazing leading lady in the LIFE community) and is certain that this approach WILL work. While I can’t give a lot of details in-depth, I trust that this will be the method that will break up the tumor and get rid of it once and for all. I have already started and it is super easy and pain-free 🙂
Again, I am so grateful for all the prayers and support both in word and deed. When your head is buried in a toilet, you can’t see straight and your head is pounding it is pretty easy to let your mind turn to thoughts of giving up and questioning if all of this is worth it. But I finally feel I have turned a corner and am on the road to getting my life back. I am grateful to have such amazing friends, family and acquaintances and an even greater God who has offered comfort and strength during the most difficult times. While I know the journey is still long I am very hopeful. I know that God is not finished with me yet – I still have a lot of work to do and a lot of people to help and I pray that He uses me in a way that will bless others for many years to come.
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11
“This is my command – be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9
When I was younger, I remember being afraid of everything! My mom would ask me to get something out of the basement and I would sprint up the stairs thinking someone was chasing me. In order for me to fall asleep at night I needed to have the TV on in my room because I was afraid of the noises that my house made. When I would go for a run outside by myself I was paranoid of cars that slowed down beside me because I was afraid of being kidnapped. To this day I can’t watch scary movies, go on roller coasters, walk alone at night or fall asleep in silence. It’s amazing how our mind conjures up thoughts that aren’t real.
I know I know, these fears seem pretty lame being that I am an adult. But I don’t want to discount the fact that there are real fears people face every day. For example: snakes, heights, ghosts, disease, drowning, flying, spiders, loss, tornadoes, crowds, commitment, loneliness, public speaking – this list could go on and on. A couple years ago when I was teaching, I had a student approach me about one of her fears. She had just been at a funeral for her grandmother who passed away and was very broken up about it. This had been the first person she had lost who was really close to her. She asked me, “Ms. Seidl, what happens when you die?” Wow, certainly a question I was not prepared to answer at that moment. She proceeded to say that she was afraid of dying – that she had thought about what it might be like to go to bed and not wake up the next day. It saddened me to hear that she had this fear at such a young age. But it is a reality we will all face at some point. While I don’t plan on elaborating about our conversation, I will point out that most of the time our fears manifest because of a negative experience.
Think about the fears that you have – why do they exist? My fear of roller coasters came about because when I was in grade school my cousin literally dragged me on a ride that I did not want to go on. I got sick, I cried and I never went on another roller coaster again. My fear of scary movies also came about because I was forced to watch the ‘Chucky’ movies when I was 7 years old and had nightmares of all my dolls attacking me. Now anytime I am forced to watch a scary movie, I do so with a blanket over my head and my ears plugged (no joke) – I would prefer to sleep at night without re-living the movie in my dreams.
Recently I had some other fears. As I mentioned in my previous post, my medical diagnosis sprouted a whole new list of mental blocks. Some of you may relate and some of you may not. My prayer is that by explaining the thought process I went through in this specific situation you can overcome similar obstacles that are holding you back. Last year I was running really hard with my LIFE business. We had great momentum and incredible growth. With that came a lot of responsibility. Many of the people who joined my community were looking to me as their leader to help guide them and move them in the right direction. Then the moment came where I couldn’t help them like I wanted to. Physically, mentally, emotionally I was not there for them and eventually some of those people chose a different path. But it wasn’t just a couple… Witnessing this made me even more discouraged as I blamed myself for their leaving. This result eventually paralyzed me to inaction. I was so afraid of moving forward because I didn’t want to commit to someone that I may not be able to help. While my intention was legitimate, my methods were ineffective. Instead of focusing on what I knew I could do, I focused on what I thought I couldn’t do. That’s what fear does. It changes our perspective and our belief in what we know we can accomplish – it wimpifies us (as Chris Brady states). Oh sure, I continued to do the easy things – but when it came to setting and running for goals and chasing after my purpose – I was a wimp. Because I let this fear manifest in my mind for so long, I lost a lot of time that could have been used to help change another life by leading them to our information and our community.
Sometimes our solution is to justify our fears. For example – I would tell myself, “I am sick so I can’t…” or “it’s okay to take a break for a little while…” While these may seem like viable reasons, it doesn’t mean it’s okay for me to use them. All justification does is trains us to lie to ourselves. Have there been many days I physically couldn’t build my business? Absolutely – but there were just as many days where I could – and I didn’t.
The reason I share this recent experience is because I finally overcame this current fear and I want my experience to help someone else even quicker than it took me realize. It’s hard to write about an experience you haven’t quite learned from yet. So what changed? I once heard someone say that the mind is the enemies playground. If your mind is fixed on the wrong things then Satan will surely encourage you to continue with those thoughts. But when your mind is fixed on God, He will guard your heart and your thoughts (Hebrews 3:1). We can pray, we can go to church, we can talk about God and we can sing his praises but until we allow Him to invade our heart and give Him complete control over everything in our lives – even our fears, we will always be in a tug of war with our thoughts.
I encourage you to leave your fears at the foot of the cross. When in doubt, when afraid, when confused, when discouraged – fix your thoughts on God and you will know with complete certainty that there is no fear in Christ.
