Category Archives: Relationships

Our Life is a Ministry

07 Wednesday May 2014

Posted by in Faith, Friendship, Inspirational, Legacy, LIFE Leadership, Love, Relationships

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“Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering God’s grace in its various forms. If anyone speaks, he should do it as one speaking the very words of God. If anyone serves, he should do it with the strength God provides.” 1 Peter 4:10-11

When I first came to the Lord back in 2009 I felt enormous pressure to share the message of Jesus. My life had changed so dramatically that the thought of someone living a single day without the hope of Christ terrified me. I felt I had a responsibility to share this message with every person I came into contact with. However, my naïve and ignorant understanding of the gospel proved that what I felt in my heart would be a more challenging task to accomplish than anticipated.

My story is much different than most for the mere fact that I didn’t have any pre-conceived notions of what Christianity actually was. I had no religious or spiritual background, no prior experience with the church and very little influence in my associations growing up. So, when I started to learn Biblical principles taught through personal development books and audios through LIFE Leadership, and surrounding myself with people who were living out these principles, it caught my attention. I started to witness and meet people who were actually married…and happy! I started to make friends with people whose passions didn’t involve partying, living for the weekends and substance abuse but loving and serving others (with no hidden agenda) and chasing after dreams.

That quick transformation from Christ-empty to Christ-full changed everything for me. Anyone who has experienced this revelation knows what I am talking about. But, with this transformation came an urgency that I had never felt before. And it’s the feeling of urgency that inspired me to write this article.

When I mentioned that early on I felt an overwhelming pressure to spread the ‘good’ news, I was not exaggerating. I went so far as to sign up for a mission trip overseas, write and send out support letters and plan time off (which I eventually never went on – a story for a different article)…learning you don’t have to cross oceans and borders to serve God. When I was teaching in public schools I felt determined to convert my students because I couldn’t live with the idea of them growing up and going through life without Jesus (like I did). I even remember a very specific conversation with one of my high school sophomores who challenged me regarding sin, eternity and salvation and her belief that there can’t possibly be a God – which was a belief that she concluded on the basis of her peers who were all professed atheists. Later learning that their belief was developed without ever hearing the Truth (just like me)… never hearing the story of Adam and Eve or how sin entered this world, let alone the story of Jesus. Of course these kids didn’t believe; most of my students came from broken homes with no Biblical or moral foundation. How can one possibly believe the Truth if they have never heard it?

I realized in those early experiences of attempting to play ‘God’ that WE (humans) cannot convert people into believing in Jesus no matter how excited we are, no matter how knowledgeable we are and no matter how deep Jesus is rooted in our hearts. Only God can ‘convert’ people. Sometimes he has to break us completely or back us into a corner and bring us to our knees in order to turn to Him; sometimes He has to put the right person or mentor in our path; sometimes He has to give us worldly ‘things’ like materialism or status and then take it all away in order for us to realize how meaningless those things are; sometimes He has to challenge us in the things we can’t control – like an illness or loss in order to put our faith and trust in Him for the things unknown.

My own experiences in attempting to analyze and understand God’s plan (which is a contradictory statement because I don’t understand and never will in this life) opened my eyes to how God might be using me to serve Him.

I started this article stating that when I first heard the Truth I felt pressured into thinking I had a responsibility (as a believer) to share this message of Truth with everyone. While this is a very true statement, it certainly isn’t realistic (if we are referring to words). In time I have learned that the message of Truth isn’t always what is spoken, but what is practiced. Most often our message of Truth is revealed in how we live our lives; in our daily interactions with people, in our attitude, in our behavior, in our choices, in our compassion, in our service, in our love and forgiveness. In fact, that’s exactly what led me to the Truth in the beginning. It was the people I started to surround myself with who lived their life as a ministry rather than trying to act like a ‘minister.’

Recently, I had an experience that helped to confirm this revelation reducing some of the pressure I have always felt in my heart. To ‘speak Truth,’ that is powerful…but to ‘live the truth,’ (no matter what the situation or circumstance)…that is how you really spread the message of Jesus. Let me elaborate:

This past Friday night was interesting but not out of the ordinary. Let’s face it, I am getting used to the attacks and finding them quite humorous (after the fact). However, this one caught me by surprise. I had gotten home late and was preparing for a moving sale the next day and was running out of time. It was raining outside, my house was a disaster and all I could think about was how much I still had to get done. I remember one of my neighbors (on the left) telling me that I could borrow some tables for my sale. So as I am walking outside in the rain, complete darkness, the neighbor on the right immediately shouts from his garage as he is smoking a cigarette (and I am standing in the rain), “So you’re moving?” To which I responded…”well, not tonight (slightly sarcastic and jokingly).” Quickly finding out he was not in a joking mood. From there he proceeds to share rude and inappropriate comments regarding my decisions (under the influence of alcohol of course) eventually raising his voice and yelling at me for 15 + minutes (His words cut deep as tears started streaming down my face). I was speechless. I just couldn’t believe what I was hearing. But I stood there and let him vent – at the expense of my emotions…without responding. Eventually I told him to ‘have a good night’ as I walked back in my house and continued my emotional meltdown – not understanding what just happened (and…never getting the tables I needed).

10 minutes later I hear a knock at my front door – around 10pm (I thought it was him). It was his wife. She came over to apologize for his behavior. While I was clearly upset (as the tears had not ceased), I did all I knew I could do which was to hug her and tell her that it was all okay and that I forgave him.

She continued to say, “NO…NO. How can you possibly forgive Him? Don’t forgive him. He needs to apologize. That was completely unacceptable and he does not deserve your forgiveness without a personal apology.”

I tried to tell her, “But Sue, I forgave him before I even walked back into the house. These tears are not from his words. These tears are just from stress. He just happened to stop me at a really bad time.”

She would not accept the forgiveness for her husband’s actions… (but it didn’t change what I felt in my heart). I’ve known this man for 7 years and I know he did not intend to hurt my feelings like she thought he did.

So, Sunday morning came (two days later) and as I pulled around toward my driveway after church he and his wife were outside. (Before Christ I would have gone around the block a few times and waited for them to go in the house in an attempt to avoid any confrontation or conflict). But this day I had no problem pulling in the driveway. I smiled out my drivers side window at them (like normal) and as I got out of my car, Brad (the neighbor) says, “I am so sorry…I am so sorry. I did not mean anything I said. I was drinking. You are wonderful. I completely understand if you don’t forgive me, but I am so sorry.” All I could think to do in order to show him I forgave him was to give him a hug and say, “No worries, I forgive you. Nothing to be sorry about”… and we both walked back into our homes and the issue was resolved.

Love 2

God IS forgiveness. If we forgive, we are revealing Him. My neighbors didn’t know my beliefs. All they knew was that a very ugly situation could have gotten much worse had God not revealed Himself through me that night. That is what I mean by living the Truth. (But please don’t take this the wrong way, this is not about me or what I did. This is about what God did. He sent His son to be nailed to a cross so that WE would be forgiven. He loves us that much. If He can forgive us, in all our mess and sin (often without apologizing), what right do we have not to forgive each other).

I am learning that even in the chaos of life, God is always calm. If we really have Christ in our heart then the best way to reveal Him, is to live like Him. Not just when it feels right or comfortable. Not just when things are going well. Always. D. Martyn Lloyd-Jones says, “Be unaffected by circumstance. Do not let it control you. Do not be mastered by it. Do not let it get you down or determine your misery or joy.” This life is not easy. But, if we live it like it’s our ministry, expecting pain and struggle in the process, while continuing to serve, love and forgive, despite our circumstances, then we can never say to ourselves…I should have done more. There is nothing more we can do. The urgency we feel to ‘speak truth’ to everyone we meet is resolved in ‘living the truth.’ Continue to reveal Him through our actions and love people like He loves us; that is our ministry.

Love,

Kristen

Look Up!

03 Saturday May 2014

Posted by in Community and Leadership, Friendship, Inspirational, LIFE Leadership, Love, Relationships

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While technology, in essence, has shrunk the world and brought us closer together, it’s also threatened to push us further apart. Being intentional in controlling the use of our handheld and lap devices is essential in leading a more meaningful life. It is true, I have read many articles pertaining to the use of technology and relationships mostly because I need a staunch reminder myself to Look Up. Recently I stumbled across this video that stopped me in my tracks as I had my ear buds in sitting at a coffee shop looking at You Tube videos on my Smartphone. Ha – God has a good sense of humor. But, I pray that upon watching this video you will be encouraged to put down the Smartphone and Look Up at the people and world around you. We miss out on so much when we let technology rule our lives. 

Enjoy!

Love, 

Kristen

Related articles:

Electronics Addiction: Another Leading Cause of Busyness – Terri Brady

Leadership Soft-Skill: Building Relationships – Orrin Woodward

Leaders as Heroes – George Guzzardo

Relationships – Chris Brady

The Hourglass

07 Friday Mar 2014

Posted by in Faith, Inspirational, Legacy, LIFE Founders, Love, Relationships

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Sometimes I lay in bed at night and think about the day’s events and just wonder if all of this is real? I have to pinch myself just to make sure that I am alive. It’s on nights like these, when my mind will just not shut off, that I reflect on how strong God made man to be.

grandmaThis past Monday I had to bury my grandma. She was my last living grandparent and a woman who stole my heart while she walked this earth. We had a very special bond that I believe very few grand-kids develop with a grandparent. I never imagined living my life without her and now that she is gone, it has made each day just a little bit more empty. She lived her life as a reflection of who Jesus Christ was. She was self-less, loving and forgiving. She lived a full life into her late 80’s and fought all the way to the end. Just moments before her passing she still had the strength to make the sign of the cross as the priest prayed over her. A woman who is living life eternally with the Creator of the world, she has left a legacy behind to all those who were blessed to know her.

In the meantime, during all the events of my grandma’s passing I was thinking about and praying for a very special lady who has also made an imprint in my heart as well as thousands of other people’s lives, LIFE co-founder, wife, mother of four and friend to many – Jackie Lewis. When I heard of her worsening condition Sunday evening I fervently prayed that God would heal her. Each day that went by her condition continued to worsen and by Tuesday evening we were praying for a miracle. In those days I have never prayed so much or cried so much.

jackie-quoteI believe Jackie’s fight brought 10’s of thousands of people closer to Christ in just a matter of days. And in her last 12 hours people literally put their life on hold to lift Jackie, the doctor’s, her family and friends in prayer in hopes that a miracle would happen. Communities around the world were consumed by her story, her fight and her faith. People who have never believed in anything started to pray and began to have faith and believe in a higher power. People who didn’t even know Jackie were crying out to God for a healing. While Jackie may not have been able to physically see the impact that her fight was making in thousands of people’s lives in those days, I am certain that as she looks down on us today she can smile and know that she is still in this world by the legacy she has left behind in people’s hearts and souls.

hour-glassIsn’t it interesting how God has a timeline… or hourglass (as my friend and mentor George Guzzardo likes to say) for everyone’s life. We don’t know how much sand is left in the hourglass; but what we do know is that one day, our last grain of sand will reach the bottom and it’s what we do before that last grain falls that makes all the difference. We would all like to hope that our sand moves slower through the hourglass so that we can live a long life into our late 80’s, just as my grandma did. But that isn’t always the case. We see that in a woman who went Home to be with the Lord at 32 years old and realize that the hourglass is so unpredictable. We recognize that we have no control over the speed of the sand that falls. But what we do know is that Someone is in control of that hourglass – and it isn’t us.

Jackie lived on this earth for 32 years and while we may not understand why she was called Home so soon – we can know that she made a difference in more people’s lives than most people do who live a full life. Not only did she impact thousands of lives while she was living – she changed even more lives while she was dying. We can never claim to understand why God does the things that He does but as I reflect on all these events this past week, I can say with certainty that He does have a plan and His plan is always perfect – despite what we want to believe or the confusion we often feel as we live in this world.

I pray that everyone who has been affected by Jackie’s story uses it as a reason to live a life of significance and purpose. Very few people leave the type of legacy that Jackie has left behind but I believe we are all capable of leaving that type of legacy. God knows what He is doing. He is waiting for us leave the type of impact that Jackie did. He is waiting for His people to draw near to Him and pray like their lives depended on it. To fight for their place in Heaven by living while they are alive and being an example of Jesus’ presence in the world. That is what I know my grandma did and that is what I know Jackie did. While the grains in their hourglass were completely different, their legacy was very similar and they are both being rewarded in Heaven today for who they were when they were alive. They are celebrating today with all the angels in Heaven who did not waste their hourglass.

What a gift we have to know that Jesus Christ has saved us for all of Eternity. We don’t have to fear death. We don’t have to worry about the last grain of sand in our earthly hourglass. We can leave that in His hands. Our hourglass in Eternity with Jesus is never ending and that is the hourglass we should be striving for in this life.

Hugs and prayers to everyone who is mourning the earthly loss of Jackie Lewis, Ann Mardoian and any other angels who left this earth to be with Jesus. God gave us the strength to overcome these earthly losses and use them for His glory!

“This is my comfort in my affliction, that your promise gives me life.” Psalm 119:50

In Christ,

Kristen

Cut the Bull!

10 Tuesday Dec 2013

Posted by in Friendship, Inspirational, LIFE Founders, LIFE Leadership, Relationships

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“What if the kid you bullied at school, grew up, and turned out to be the only surgeon who could save your life?” Lynette Mather

My student moved from Zimbabwe to America two years ago; a smart, likable dark-skinned 15-year-old with a positive attitude and a low self-esteem. As he walked into class I over-heard one of his outspoken 17-year-old peers sarcastically comment, “Hey, Zimbabwe! What’s up?” …as he went to slap him a high-five and pulled his hand away just as they were about to make contact. The 15-year-old chuckled as the other students laughed under their breath but little did he know that his peers were laughing at him and not with him. Immediately I pulled my 15-year-old student aside and asked him if he was okay with his peers calling him Zimbabwe? These kids were all the same ethnicity so I wasn’t sure if it was a nickname or an insult. Sometimes it’s hard to tell with teenagers. But I thought I would ask just to be sure. In his sweet pre-pubescent voice he responded, “well…not really, but so many people do it now that I’ve kind of gotten used to it…”

Immediately I spent the entire class period wrestling with the words that I wanted to say to these particular students who I just knew were bullies. I didn’t want to humiliate my 15-year-old even more in front of class so I formulated a plan to talk to these students privately afterwards.

bullying (1)In my most choleric and serious tone I glared into their eyes with tears and anger as I told them about my friend in high school who committed suicide because of bullying, my brother who was humiliated and ridiculed in middle school and needed a restraining order against his bully (who today the guy is now dead from drug overdose) while my brother is a successful business owner and musician. I told them that people can get kicked out of school, get fired from jobs and go to prison for bullying and harassment.  I told them, “I don’t care if you think it’s a joke, if you think it’s funny or if you think it’s harmless…….because it’s not a joke, it’s not funny and it’s hurtful.” I told them I have NO TOLERANCE for bullying at any level and I would do everything in my power to stop it from continuing. Needless to say I have not seen or heard anything since.

BULLYPIC2This topic has and always will hit close to home for me. Not only have I seen and witnessed the effects of bullying and harassment in people who I care deeply about, I have personally dealt with it in my own life. Subtle comments that are remembered from my past: the tall girl, the tom boy, the girl with man hands, ghetto booty, the shy girl who doesn’t talk… probably the most hurtful was in high school people liked to ‘joke’ because I dressed in athletic clothes, played sports and rarely had time for a boyfriend that I was the single girl with a big question mark above my head. Stereotypes that were completely UNTRUE began as a joke which escalated to rumors all because one person wanted to be funny. In fact some of those comments were what led to my years of battling an eating disorder because of low self-confidence, insecurity, low self-esteem and poor self-image. I wanted to believe that I was strong and I could ‘handle’ their jokes but my heart was hurt as I began to get angry, depressed and isolated. One thing that is important to remember is that bullying doesn’t always look like bullying. We recognize that when we hear stories of parents verbally abusing their kids, friends teasing and spreading rumors about other friends, rampant gossip or inappropriate texts, e mails or social media messages about another person. It sometimes looks harmless but rarely is it actually harmless!

Bullying is a serious topic that needs more awareness and that is why I am posting this article. Just look at the statistics:

  • Over 3.8 million students are victims of bullying each year.
  • Approximately 160,000 teens skip school every day because of bullying.
  • 90% of 4th through 8th grade students report being victims of bullying.
  • Almost 60% of those bullied early in life are also bullied in high school.
  • Approximately 30% of young people ADMIT to bullying others.
  • 70.6% of young people admit to seeing bullying in their schools.
  • 62% admitted to seeing bullying three or more times in the last month and 41% admit to seeing it at least once a week or more.
  • The MOST common types of bullying are verbal and social
  • According to one large study, the following percentages of middle schools students had experienced these various types of bullying: name calling (44.2 %); teasing (43.3 %); spreading rumors or lies (36.3%); pushing or shoving (32.4%); hitting, slapping, or kicking (29.2%); leaving out (28.5%); threatening (27.4%); stealing belongings (27.3%); sexual comments or gestures (23.7%); e-mail or blogging (9.9%).
  • Out of 100 – LESS THAN 20% of students who are bullied ever notify an adult about the bullying!

Don’t be mistaken, young people are not the only one’s who are targets for bullying. Many adults face similar challenges in the form of harassment, verbal and emotional abuse and physical harm. None of this should be taken lightly and if you see it and it doesn’t seem normal – it probably isn’t. It’s not okay to be a bystander or walk away!

Check out this video that is both disturbing and encouraging…but mostly disturbing:

 

Leadership is doing what’s right regardless of the consequences. If there were more people with a hunger for leadership we could not only stop bullying while it was happening but more importantly prevent it from starting.

I believe LIFE Leadership provides the best information to develop adults and young people into strong leaders who would not only recognize an inappropriate situation but sacrifice their own comfort and safety to help someone else. The Edge series was designed specifically for young people to develop their confidence, self-esteem, leadership and thinking. George Guzzardo stated recently in his article, Everything I Always Wanted for Christmas how important it is that we get the right information into people’s hands this holiday season and it starts with the Edge series for teens.

I truly believe it will be leaders who get the right information into the hands of the right people who will make a difference in their schools, communities, churches and professions. It will be leaders who sacrifice the comfort of their own lives in order to change someone else’s life and it will be leaders who spread the message of bullying prevention across the nation and the world.

“You shall not take vengeance or bear a grudge against the sons of your own people, but you shall love your neighbor as yourself: I am the Lord.” Leviticus 19:18

God Bless,

Kristen

Unspoken Love

24 Sunday Nov 2013

Posted by in Faith, Friendship, Love, Relationships

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“Give thanks to the God of heaven, for His steadfast love endures forever.” Psalm 136:26

This time of year often carries a different meaning for different people. Many people love this time of year because it is filled with the holidays, fun, family, food and love. Other people dread this time of year because it can reflect a time of grief for loved ones not here, conflict in families, loneliness and stress. I personally fall right in the middle of these two categories. Living room Christmas

I spent this afternoon setting up my Christmas tree and hanging decorations for the holiday season – a fairly common ‘ritual’ for most people around this time of year. But it was while listening to the meaning behind the lyrics of the Christmas songs that were playing in the background while warming my hands and feet in front of the fireplace that I was inspired to write this post.

Earlier this week I was extremely frustrated and stressed about some personal matters. I had a hard time dealing with the emotions associated and found myself yelling at God in anger because I just didn’t understand why it was happening or how to fix it (as if it was God’s fault). Instead of humbly asking God to help me, I was angry with Him… and carried this anger with me all week!

As my heart started to race and tears began to shed this morning in church I couldn’t help but ask God for forgiveness, help and guidance. He reminded me of Friday afternoon when my high school students displayed the sort of love that is often times only revealed through God.

One of my seniors had injured her self fairly severely in an activity and immediately my students took action. What I didn’t realize until I got into my car that afternoon was the type of love they displayed. A type of love we don’t often talk about and doesn’t always get recognition – unspoken love. In a matter of seconds I had students leading with their heart; one student ran to get an ice pack, another ran to get a wheelchair, another ran to get a cell phone to call the girl’s mom and another ran to get a nurse while others stood by to encourage her and dry her tears. Seconds later one student boldly suggested, “I think we should pray” and she led her remaining classmates in a prayer. What was so beautiful about this moment was the realization that they did this all without my instruction – it came purely from the love in their hearts. It was a very proud and memorable moment for me and more importantly for God. I guarantee that young lady left school feeling deeply loved.

It was in my reflection this morning and again later this afternoon that I realized how simple it is to display love and conversely receive love without words (just like my students modeled on Friday). Like…the unspoken love of laughter, the unspoken love of a warm hug, the unspoken love of a card filled with X’s and O’s, the unspoken love of holding someone’s hand, the unspoken love of a listening ear, the unspoken love of dancing to no music, the unspoken love of a child climbing into your lap, the unspoken love of a knowing glance, the unspoken love of a tiny hand grabbing your finger or the unspoken love of serving someone else. Who doesn’t like to give and receive this kind of love?

love GodBut I believe the most obvious and powerful unspoken love we can receive is the love of God. No matter how angry we may be with Him (or ourselves), no matter what sin we violate, no matter how broken our hearts may be or how lonely we may feel we can find peace, comfort and hope in the unspoken love of God. It was the unspoken love of God that filled my heart this morning when I needed it the most. He continued to love me even when I didn’t deserve it.

God hears every unspoken word, sees every unseen wound and mends every unbearable pain. There is no problem He can’t solve or question He can’t answer. We just have to be patient enough to listen and faithful enough to trust Him.

So as we enter into a time of holiday cheer, laughter, fun, family, food and love, lets not forget about those who don’t have anyone to celebrate with or those who are facing health challenges, a family crisis or overwhelming stress. Not only should we embrace the love in the everyday things around us but also display and share the unspoken love of God in our hearts to those who may need the hope and love of Jesus the most during this time.

“God’s unfailing love for us is an objective fact affirmed over and over in the Scriptures. It is true whether we believe it or not. Our doubts do not destroy God’s love, nor does our faith create it. It originates in the very nature of God, who is love, and it flows to us through our union with His beloved Son.” Jerry Bridges

Much love,

Kristen

Encouragement for Singles

13 Wednesday Nov 2013

Posted by in Community and Leadership, Friendship, Inspirational, Love, Relationships

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I had been sitting at the airport restaurant waiting for my flight to depart when the waitress approached and asked if anyone would be joining me. To which I responded, “nope, just me.”

single 2For the majority of my life that phrase has been a normal part of my vocabulary. In fact, thinking back, the longest relationship I ever had in high school lasted three months and I can hardly call it a relationship because I was barely 16 years old. In fact just a couple of months after I broke up with him he started dating a really good friend of mine and they have been together ever since. Today he and my friend are married and have a child together. What a blessing that it didn’t work out because they are the perfect couple. God had it planned.

College wasn’t any better. For four and a half years I devoted my life to education, basketball, business and work. The last thing I cared about prioritizing into that schedule was a man. Once I graduated I realized how lonely life had been due to the poor relationships I had with people and many years of isolation; that loneliness led to a period of desperation where I just wanted to meet someone. A good friend of mine from college was in a similar boat so we willingly agreed to try online dating together. Both of us were too prideful to admit to our friends and family we were doing it and our lack of success in the process proved to be accurate as we both failed miserably… but, formed a library of funny stories in the process.

About a year after that experiment I took it upon myself to give it another try. This time though I had been starting my spiritual journey and I could see more clearly the type of man I was looking for. Another friend had referred me to a Christian dating website that she had found success in and it had led me to my first official adult relationship at the age of 24 (nearly 8 years later). The person I met had every quality I had been looking for but I realized 9 months into it that we had no chemistry so… we broke up. Six months later he met the woman of his dreams and he too is now married with two children. God had that one planned too.

SingleEver since then I have been single. In fact when people say they have been single their entire life, I hesitate to believe them unless they have a track record as slim as mine (less than 12 months of relationship experience in 28 years). I am still not sure if I should be proud or embarrassed of that. For as long as I can remember I have questioned what was wrong with me as I patiently sit on the side lines lovingly watching my friends walk down the aisle and bring children into this world with tears of joy streaming down my face but tears of sadness filling my heart as I question whether it will ever happen for me. I jokingly embrace my single-ness to other people but deep down I long to meet that special someone. I confidently express my patience to the public as I wait on God’s timing but deep down I continue to question if God really does have someone for me.

Psalms 145:16 says, “You open your hand and satisfy the desires of every living thing.”

I read this verse as if it says, if you desire to be married, if in your deepest of hearts you desire a mate, then God will satisfy that desire. It wasn’t until I started to grow closer in my relationship with God that my patience grew stronger. Granted, it is easy to lose that grip when the temptation and pressure to be in a committed relationship gains weight and you start to lose your patience. But, my single friends, you are worth more than a casual non-committed relationship. Don’t lose your grip. You are valuable, you are precious. You deserve commitment and stability and God promises that. It’s funny because I often tell my friends that when I find ‘the one’ he better be ready. I don’t have time to waste in the normal two years of dating and another two year engagement. Ha, but then I am reminded of how naive that statement is. It isn’t my timing, it’s God’s timing. (Oh, and I suppose he has to know to).

What I have learned is that when we pursue a relationship for the wrong reasons we ultimately fall into relationships that are drenched in drama. God does not want us to ‘settle’ for something less. It is finding that place of peaceful existence with the person God has prepared for us. I want to be in a relationship that doesn’t compete with my relationship with God. I know it exists. We can have both. We don’t have to choose one or the other. We just have to have peace in knowing that it’s out there for us.

The purpose of this article is to encourage other single men and women to be patient and find peace in being single. I promise that the plan God has for you is worth waiting for.

Love, Kristen

In the meantime, God promises this:

21 Days of Service

11 Monday Nov 2013

Posted by in Brain Tumor, Community and Leadership, Faith, Friendship, Love, Relationships

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To stand up to any challenge, spend time on your knees.

Yesterday was the one year mark of the car accident that drastically changed my life. It still amazes me how blurry this last year has been and yet each moment is vividly clear as I stomach the thoughts of how difficult it was. Last year I spent Thanksgiving alone and in bed and I can hardly remember celebrating Christmas. I think I made an appearance somewhere? And yet this was all before the brain tumor diagnosis. I had ignored every potential sign that there was anything seriously wrong for months or even years which of course led God to intervene. I guess I just didn’t realize how persistent He was going to be. I certainly wasn’t grateful (at the time).

I was reminded this past weekend listening to Chris and Terri Brady speak at a LIFE Leadership seminar that people and community are what matter most, especially during challenges. I have always known this being that I love to serve other people. But the word ‘service’ means and feels totally different when the role is reversed. I have always had a hard time accepting help and even when I could barely make decisions on my own I fought tooth and nail with those who were only out to serve me. How selfish was I to be so stubborn. But I am so thankful looking back that the people and friends around me, especially men and women like George and Jill Guzzardo and Dave Chatmon, didn’t buy into my stubborn and manipulative ways and continued to serve and love anyways.

So as I was thinking about this topic I couldn’t help but reflect on the last couple of months. Despite a fantastic victory after a very challenging year, my life didn’t immediately turn into roses and butterflies. In fact, the challenges continue to pour like hot lava that just won’t harden. I haven’t been able to figure it out. My frustration led me to seek God.

One thing I know about God is that He always finds a way to show us what we need to see.

I was out and about and stopped to fill up at a gas station at about 10pm last night. Normally I pay at the pump with a card because it is quicker and easier but this time I wanted to get coffee so I went inside and paid with cash instead. There was a gentleman in front of me who was paying for his gas along with what looked to be possible dinner. He didn’t bring enough money in with him so he would have had to run back out to his car and get more. Listening to his conversation with the clerk (which I normally don’t do) I realized I had a few extra bucks in my hand so I offered to throw him the remainder to pay for his food. He said, “no no, I have money in the car that I will run and get.” To which I responded looking him dead in the eyes, “no, please let me.” And he did.

serviceIt wasn’t much. In fact, any random person off the street could have and would have done the same thing. But I left that gas station feeling so great. It got me thinking so much about this last year and how little I have been willing and able to serve others. I had been so focused on myself and my own problems that I forgot what was truly important – other people! No wonder I was feeling so crummy.

Philippians 2:4 says, “Do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others.”

Oh sure, I never gave up loving people but I was missing the most important piece: serving them.

Steven Covey talks about in his wildly popular book “The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People” that it takes 21 days to create a habit. What I realized after last night is that I was not making a habit of serving other people. My acts of service have been so sporadic and inconsistent that I often forgot how good it felt to do it. I know from past experiences that it was always when I was focused on other people’s needs that my needs seemed less critical and in turn didn’t consume my life.

So with the holidays approaching and knowing how difficult this time of year can be for so many people I am marking today as the start of my ’21 days of service’ project. Every day for the next 21 days I will do something, big or small, to serve someone else. I want to create a habit of serving others every day. Anyone reading this is welcome to join me.

Certainly life will still continue to throw curve balls, mountains and speed bumps along our path but if we just stay consistent and focus on the needs of others then maybe, just maybe, those challenges will seem less severe. In fact, the other day a good friend of mine sent me an encouraging text reflecting the words of one of her second graders which read, “You could be nailed to a cross!” WOW – Perspective change right in that moment. Jesus came to earth to serve us and died on a cross to give us victory and hope. We owe it to Him to pay it forward. Who is with me?

“Not to the strong is the battle,
Not to the swift is the race;
Yet to the true and the faithful
Victory is promised through grace.” Fanny Crosby

God Bless,

Kristen

Tearing Down Walls & Removing Our Mask

09 Saturday Nov 2013

Posted by in Faith, Friendship, Inspirational, Love, Relationships

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A mask of plastic happiness often covers her sadness
Her beliefs hidden from most
Afraid of, but willing to face the unknown
Wondering where her place is in this life
She has come close to sharing herself
Never completely revealing anything to anyone
Feelings of invisible chains corner her
When she dreams, reality shatters before her very eyes
Accomplishments she strives for just at hands grasp
She feels lost sometimes, not yet finding her notch in this world
At times the glimmer in her calm eyes slowly disappears
But within her heart a silent flame burns her inside and out
She roams day by day, playing roles
Strength unknowingly resides in her
History repeats itself once again
The translucent veil she so proudly wears
Little by little answers will come, pushing it aside
One day there will be no more mask for her to wear
One day her beliefs will be known
One day she’ll know her place in this life
One day she will share herself
One day this mask will be no more.

Author: Unknownhappy 1

For as long as I can remember I have been accused of not showing enough emotion. My natural tendency is to build a wall up around me that is so rock solid that even the strongest storms of life can’t tear it down. In fact, for many years I was proud of my proverbial toughness. I thought unemotional people were more stable, independent and strong. So anytime I was put in a situation where I was asked to express myself, the walls would only thicken. The less people knew about me, the stronger I felt. I could wear this mask that I believe rendered a woman of strength, confidence and happiness. What I didn’t recognize was the expression on the face of the mask. It only displayed one emotion – emptiness.

Connecting to our emotions can be scary. Most of us have been brought up to hide, suppress or even completely deny how we are feeling. We often believe we will be overwhelmed if we feel too much, so we take the very unhealthy option of shutting down or escaping by numbing and hiding our emotions. We often times forget what it feels like to be happy, excited, surprised, afraid, angry, sad or embarrassed. Instead we become very expressionless.

wallsI always believed (regarding myself) that it was no one’s business what goes on inside the walls of my life. Those ‘behind the scenes’ moments were between me and God. My emotions were less revealing as my walls grew thicker and thicker. The years of guarding my heart and hiding inside my emotionless state of being left me standing inside those walls lost and alone. I would have friends share very personal struggles with me as I empathized with them trying to put myself in their situation and I welcomed those conversations with open arms. But when it came to removing my mask and tearing down my walls, I just turned my cheek. This not only changed the dynamic of our conversation but also the relationship I had with that person.

What I have recognized is that if we are not open to feeling, it makes it harder to actually give and receive. We can’t truly connect or engage with others. Our body is our barometer of truth. It never lies. It was very evident to me yesterday morning at church. We stood up in worship, one of my favorite parts of the service, and I could just feel the tension in my body. I was stiff and emotionless. My songs of praise felt more like songs of practice as I didn’t appreciate the message or meaning of the lyrics I was singing. In most instances my heart is filled with joy and gratitude but this particular morning I could feel the walls starting to build around the most important relationship I have. In this case my lack of openness and emotion affected my relationship with God but on a larger scale it affects every aspect of every relationship we cherish. God forgives but sometimes people don’t. God knows how to break down our walls but sometimes people don’t. If we want to truly connect with people, we have to be willing to remove our mask and tear down our walls. It is the only way we can genuinely empathize with other people, celebrate with other people and love other people.

Just as the word itself suggests – emotion is e-motion. It simply means energy moving through us. It needs to be expressed! If you’re excited – hoot and holler! If you’re happy, smile 🙂

I would be deceiving myself if I didn’t admit that I still struggle with this daily. But having an incredible organization like LIFE leadership that encourages the development of deep relationships with others and mentoring with men and women like George and Jill Guzzardo and Orrin and Laurie Woodward who model what it means to be transparent, makes the growing process so fulfilling. I pray that God inspires others to tear down their walls and remove their masks in order to reveal the beautiful masterpiece that has been created – YOU.

Thought this video was very fitting for this post. I hope it blesses your day:

 

Love, Kristen

How I Fixed my Friendships, in Five Lines

19 Monday Aug 2013

Posted by in Community and Leadership, Friendship, LIFE Leadership, Relationships

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me and Craig six years old(Well, maybe a few more than five lines…)

When I was younger I had a hard time making and keeping friends. In grade school and middle school I was extremely shy so I knew that in order to have friends I had to find ways to fit in so that people would like me. Up until the 4th grade my mom would dress my brother and I in matching boy/girl twin outfits. We would get made fun of all the time and as cute as my mom thought it was, she was really cramping our style. While my brother remained kind of nerdy I was on a mission to ‘fit in.’ So I got involved with sports, after school clubs etc to become more sociable. In middle school I started to develop a bad attitude, expected my mom to buy me name brand clothes, skipped meals so I could be skinny, allowed classmates to cheat off my homework and exams and did anything I could to emulate what the ‘cool’ kids were doing in order to be popular. Little did I know that my ‘fake’ image only brought about fake friendships.

Entering high school and realizing how difficult it was to make and keep friends I started to give up and isolate myself. Almost none of the people I ‘hung out’ with from ages 8-15 remained friends with me in high school; my friendships were about as deep as a puddle of water at the top of a hill. I didn’t like who I was and I eventually realized that if I would have any friends at all they would have to accept me for me. In those years I only had three people I could call friends of which only one is still a friend today. Needless to say, I was not good at making or keeping friends.

I share this history because I think a lot of people can relate. If I were to comprise a list of friendship qualities, many of us would fall short and be pretty disappointed in ourselves and others. In the years since I have read multiple books on relationships. Please don’t misinterpret this, I am no expert on friendships or relationships – I fail every day! But I have been able to identify my weaknesses in order to get better and have learned a lot since those days. I pray that with my new awareness I can develop lifelong bonds and friendships with many people.

In learning through my mistakes, reading a lot of books in the LIFE leadership system and listening to audios from people who have had great success in relationships, I have been able to narrow down some specific and intentional practices that have worked to develop many of the great friendships I have today (in no particular order):

  1. Listening
  2. Communication
  3. Finding Purpose
  4. Taking responsibility
  5. Forgiveness

1) Listening

“He who has ears to hear, let him hear!” Matthew 11:15

  • We are ALL guilty of failing here! There are so many distractions that make this simple task so difficult. People just want to be heard. I still fail at this a lot but there is one thing that’s made listening a whole lot easier: scheduling it – it’s a lot easier to listen and be prepared for conversations when it’s planned – especially with the heavy stuff. I like to meet over coffee or while going for a walk. Whether it’s scheduled, just a conversation in passing or I am talking on the phone I try to keep any and all distractions out of sight (i.e. phone, computer, etc), I make eye contact with that person, acknowledge and empathize with their concerns, celebrate when they are excited and unless they are looking for advice or solutions, I try to speak very little. There is a saying, “God gave us two ears and one mouth for a reason.” Meaning we should listen twice as much as we speak.

2) Communication

“Pleasant words are a honey comb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.” Proverbs 16:42

  • I admit, this is the most challenging one for me! I am naturally a very isolated person so I have to be very intentional with my communication. I have learned that multiple forms of communication are better than none at all. I struggle with talking on the phone so usually my phone conversations end with setting up a time to meet in person. The 3rd line of communication I like to use is text or e mail. While we know it is the most ineffective way to build a relationship, it does serve an important role in staying connected. I am not afraid to send a friend I haven’t talked to in a while a text message that says, ‘I miss you,’ or, ‘how are you doing?’ Many times this sparks a re-connection which leads to a phone conversation or coffee date. But for the friends, business partners, etc I am most associated with, I make sure to communicate with them in some form at least once a week (on the phone or in person if possible) and it helps to put a reminder in my calender to ‘check in’ with them.

3) Finding Purpose

“Many plans are in man’s mind, but it is the Lord’s purpose for him that will stand. ” Proverbs 19:21

  • There is nothing more appealing and attractive to others than someone who knows who they are and whose they are. I believe that in order to find yourself it requires a discovery of ones purpose. And many people don’t know who they are because they don’t know why they are… Without this piece, how could I ever expect to have lasting friendships or relationships. It was hard to create depth with another human being if I didn’t have eternal depth with myself and God. Many people go their entire life without ever figuring this out and sadly end up very lonely at the end. Find your purpose and you will find that your friendships and relationships will be stronger than ever.

4) Taking Responsibility

“You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor.” Exodus 20:16

  • A lot of my friendship train wrecks resulted in blame. I would justify or make excuses for myself and then blame others for the break up. It wasn’t until I finally owned up to the fact that relationships are a two way street and that I was just as much at fault as the other person – that things started to change. In fact, many of the great friendships I used to have that are no longer present today I have now taken full responsibility for. When I finally took responsibility it made it much easier to forgive them (see #5). This has really been the primary motivator for me to change and get better.

5) Forgiveness

“For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.” Matthew 6:!4-15

  • I have been hurt by many people – not just friends, but family as well. When we are hurt, it is natural to be resentful or hold grudges. The worst physical pain someone can feel doesn’t even measure up to deep emotional pain inflicted from another person. But what I have learned about resentment and grudges is that the only person it is really hurting is you! I have chosen to forgive anyone and everyone who has caused me physical or emotional pain and can peacefully say that I hold no grudges towards anyone. Everyone makes mistakes – we are all sinners saved by grace and if God can forgive us for our sins, we should certainly be able to forgive one another.

Just like anything worth having, friendships take work. It requires identifying weaknesses, learning from mistakes, humbling oneself and putting in the effort that is required. Try this, write down the five people you consider true friends. Now, ask yourself, “would those five people put me on their friend’s list?” If you think they would, you are on the right track but if you have any doubts then it might be wise to seek resources to grow in this key area of life.

LIFE Leadership offers world class information about relationships and friendships. Maybe it’s picking up a People Skills Pack with incredible information produced by best selling authors Orrin Woodward and LIFE founder George Guzzardo. Or studying a classic like How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie. The resources are endless, all that’s required is a hunger to master these skills. As the great Anthony Robbins says, “the quality of your life is the quality of your relationships.”

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“Love one another with brotherly affection. Out do one another in showing honor.” Romans 12:10

God Bless,

Kristen

Inner Beauty = True Beauty

28 Sunday Jul 2013

Posted by in Faith, Friendship, Inspirational, Relationships

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“Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is. His good, pleasing and perfect will.” Romans 12:2

You may have heard it said that one of the differences between a man and a woman is that when a man looks at himself in the mirror he admires the one physical feature about himself that’s attractive while a woman only sees the features she considers unattractive. Whether this is true or not can’t be verified but for women especially our eyes always see the imperfections. The statistics are alarming when we see that in an average year American woman spend a half billion dollars on shape-enhancing garments. Women from every culture are turning to extreme measures to change or enhance their physical features with the top five being liposuction, breast augmentation, eyelid surgery, facelift and tummy tuck – and there seems to be no end in sight.

distorted imageThis obsession dates several hundreds of years back where women would use a potentially deadly combination of vinegar in search of porcelain skin, drops of antimony sulfide to make their eyes glitter (leading to blindness) and tight lace corsets (cutting off oxygen and displacing organs) in order to achieve an eighteen inch waist. Today, the media glamorizes ‘true beauty’ by promoting to women that perfect shape, weight, height, hair and skin will lead to true happiness – you know the false promises that the prettiest women get the best jobs, the most attractive men and are the most successful. My good friend and LIFE leading lady Terri Brady posted a blog titled, ‘The Stranger’s Sketch’ which I believe is a perfect example of how critical we are of our ourselves compared to how others really see us.

In an earlier post I shared my journey of battling an eating disorder – which unfortunately (today) is another very common and unhealthy method of ‘trying’ to reach physical perfection. When I taught in a high school it seemed that the girls cared more about how they looked than their dignity, their character or their work ethic. Since chopping my hair off (and losing some of it) I can’t count how many times I have been mistaken for a guy. The battle is never ending if our eyes are fixed on our outward appearance. I’m sure every one of us remembers a time when we compared, judged or idolized someone else with what seemed to be ‘better’ physical beauty than us. It’s hard to escape the sinful nature of our hearts; focusing on outward appearance rather than inward beauty and acting on cultural standards rather than biblical standards.

But here is a woman who I believe displays the best ‘true beauty’ of anyone. Her story has gone viral but not so much for being labeled ‘the ugliest woman on the internet,’ but because she has inspired millions of people to focus on their inner beauty and not their outward appearance (worth watching in its entirety):

So what is God’s definition of beauty? Nowhere in the bible are women instructed to wish for, ask for or strive for physical beauty. However, there is a kind of beauty that we are to pursue, see 1 Peter 3:4-5. In the LIFE AGO book, Becoming God’s True Woman, DeMoss shares stark comparisons between our culture’s definition of beauty and God’s definition of beauty:

  • Our culture puts forth a standard of beauty that is unattainable by most. God puts forth a standard of beauty to which we can all attain if we just respond to His work of grace in our lives.
  • Our culture defines beauty by how we look on the outside. God defines beauty by what we are like on the inside.
  • Our culture encourages women to cultivate a beauty that is skin deep. God tells us to pursue an inner beauty of great worth.
  • Our culture encourages women to cultivate a beauty that will only last for a brief time. God encourages women to cultivate a beauty that will never fade and that will only grow more attractive with the passing of time.
  • Our culture calls us to cultivate a beauty that impresses others. God summons us to cultivate a beauty that is first and foremost for His eyes.
  • Our culture entices us to aspire to the beauty of the latest glamourous model or most popular actress. God bids us to aspire to the beauty of the holy women in the past who put their hope in God.

Becoming God's True womanDeMoss goes on to say, “when a physically attractive woman walks by we notice – men particularly. But that’s the end of it. Her beauty makes a fleeting, momentary impression. But a woman who cultivates inner beauty, who fears God and lives to serve others, makes a difference in people’s lives. Her beauty makes a lasting impact on the lives she touches. Godly, inner beauty makes an indeliable mark on the lives of others and glorifies God.”

It is true that a woman’s physical appearance is enhanced by her inner beauty. But this does not mean that we neglect our outward appearance just because we are beautiful on the inside. Pure devotion to God will produce an appropriate concern for physical appearance and in turn our outward appearance should always attract others to our inner beauty and our character.  

Laurie Woodward, Jill Guzzardo and all of the LIFE leading ladies are true models of inner beauty. They are all beautiful on the outside but their true beauty radiates from the inside. Robert Murray McCheyne said it best, “we should take 10 looks at Christ for every look at ourselves” and I believe these amazing women do that. Every time we are tempted to be discouraged by our own lack of perfection, we must look to our Savior, whose perfection has been credited to us. We are all made perfect in His image and to set our hearts and minds on the things above will allow us to accept that our inner beauty is where true beauty rests.

God Bless,

Kristen