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Kristen Seidl – Living an Intentional Life

Kristen Seidl – Living an Intentional Life

Tag Archives: Hope

Hope Outlasts the Passage of Time

06 Monday Apr 2015

Posted by Kristen Seidl in Faith, Inspirational, Legacy, Love

≈ 16 Comments

Tags

Easter, Hope, Jesus Christ, Love

“Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer.” Romans 12:12

You never see the hard days in a photo album.

family

This Easter was unlike any other that I have experienced. On Good Friday, I attended an evening service at Colonial Baptist Church in Cary, NC (my new home state and home church) that brought me to an uncontrollable and emotional breaking point. I have never been more present or have experienced the Holy Spirit’s presence in such a way as was shared through the message and music of that evening. The tears continued to roll down my cheeks as I drove home in silence thinking about my Savior’s crucifixion on the cross that evening over 2,000 years ago. Was the overwhelming emotion because I imagined how alone He must have felt during those final hours? Was it because my heart was broken at the thought of His pain and those who loved Him and had watched Him suffer? (Thinking about the people who I love and are suffering)… Or was it because I felt guilty that He had endured so much for someone as unworthy as me. Whatever the cause, it’s irrelevant, and “thank you Jesus” were the only prayers I could repeat as my heart filled with gratitude for what He had done on my behalf.

I reflected on years past when Easter was not about Jesus, it was about a bunny. For nearly 21 years I did not attend a church, nor did I understand why Easter was even celebrated. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to know…I was just ignorant to the Truth. You see, like most families my parents would hide a fully stuffed and decorated Easter basket for my brother and I to look for on Easter morning, then later in the day my family would get together and we would eat a bunch of candy, feast over a big meal and fellowship with one another – joyously partaking in the celebration of _________________ (What??) (…a beautiful Spring day?…Sunday family time?…a yellow bunny that hides baskets and doesn’t actually exist?) Sure, I have great memories of Easter from years past, but were they really “Easter” memories or just “family” memories that happened to fall on Easter Sunday?

This Easter was quite different though. I moved to North Carolina knowing that things would be much different during the holidays and would not leave the same kind of “family” memories as my childhood remembers. But, I wouldn’t change any of it because I now celebrate the true meaning of the day.

When I called my mom after the morning church service, she reminded me of how different it is not having anyone to celebrate with anymore. To which I thought, are you more sad about being alone this year or not understanding the real reason for the holday? Truth is, if you don’t know WHY you are celebrating, it doesn’t matter how big your family is, or what traditions you have, there really is no point. But, I empathized with her because I, too, have a heart of sadness in the passage of time that has dramatically distorted the image of my family photo.

Death, divorce and drama throughout the years has not only left the few of us who are still here alone…but sad at the result of this present time. My mom stated, “I never saw my life like this.” …I was silent…knowing she was right. We never imagine our lives to change as much as they do and as quickly as it does. I see this beautiful and happy family 25 years ago (shown above) and don’t even recognize the photo anymore (shown below) – same picture in 1990, dramatically different reality in 2015:

broken family

You never see the hard days in a photo album.

It reminds me just how temporary this life truly is and how much of it is NOT in our control. So many things happen with the passage of time that, of course, we can’t possibly predict how things will turn out. But, there is one thing that remains unchanged and even outlasts the passage of time…and that is the hope we have in Jesus Christ.

I went for an afternoon walk by myself after Easter church service and clenched the cross around my neck thanking Jesus for the hope He has given me through His death and resurrection. Because, despite the pain and sadness of my past and even the loneliness that easily consumes me when I stray, Christ always manages to fill my heart with joy as I think about a future with Him. That is WHY I celebrate. That is why I continue to smile through the hard times. That is why I can accept the reality of my current family photo and still be grateful for my life as I celebrate Him. Because Jesus reminds me (especially on days that are meant for Him) that it’s not about ME! And the more I live that truth and meditate on that hope, the easier it is to surrender my past, accept my present and live a life that will glorify Him for my future!

I pray for you who have a similar story and struggle with your faith…because I have been there. I pray for you who are alone during the holidays and don’t feel the presence of God at your side…because I have been there. I pray for you who are going through hard times right now and don’t know the hope that a future with Christ holds…because I have been there.

And I want to encourage you beyond my own experiences because, it’s not about me. Christ has been there too….He overcame every obstacle that we will face in this life. He even overcame the scariest and most permanent obstacle of all….death. That is why we celebrate Easter! He overcame it and you can too! Time will continue to pass, our lives will continue to change quickly and dramatically, our family photos will look nothing like they used to, but one thing will remain the same, unchanged, always – and that is the hope we have in a life with Jesus when we use our life to glorify Him. And if He is all we are left with in the end, then He is all we really need. 

“The Lord is my portion,” says my soul, “therefore I will hope in Him.” Lamentations 3:24

Prayers and love to you,

Kristen

Life: Heaven’s Waiting Room

08 Wednesday Oct 2014

Posted by Kristen Seidl in Faith, Freedom, Inspirational, Legacy, LIFE Leadership, Love

≈ 9 Comments

Tags

Faith, Heaven, Hope, Jesus Christ, Love

“Have you ever done this type of work before…?” The facility director asked with optimism.

“Some, but not professionally.” I responded. “…But I love doing this kind of work.”

I was desperate to find something during a critical transitional time so it didn’t matter what type of work I would be doing. 3rd shift CNA-type work was acceptable as long as it filled the need I had been looking for.

I didn’t know what I was getting myself into when I took the position. I had one co-worker tell me, “This can be a disgusting job if you aren’t used to it…” My only thought was, what’s so disgusting about caring for others? It wasn’t the job or work that bothered me. These were human beings, people who had families that loved them and a life story. Another co-worker said, “Don’t try to get too close to the residents….places like this are where people come to die.”

You are kidding me right? What a heartless thing to say.

But, many did die…on my watch.

After spending some time with the residents, I began to wonder what their lives used to be. People change drastically when they grow old. Being a caregiver on the graveyard shift left me ‘getting to know’ the residents mostly through their pictures. In one of the pictures was a resident dancing in the arms of her husband with her eyes closed, smiling with such an infectious bliss, one would think it was the happiest moment in her life. But she deteriorated fast; it was painful to watch her in a catatonic state, barely blinking and not moving in her bed. That was very common on the memory care unit I was primarily assigned to.

After merely a few hours working in the facility, I could feel how lonely most of these people were. I find it too difficult to imagine how friends and family of a deceased resident could recall their fondest memories at the funeral while completely omitting the time they left the resident by themselves when they needed company the most.

On the random occasion when I would pick up a day shift, I noticed it was not uncommon for a resident to sit quietly by themselves looking out the window waiting for love and interaction with someone who cared to give them time. “This is Heaven’s waiting room…” one nurse said, as I remember a time sadly gazing at the woman who always kept her Bible and cross close to her side in the wheelchair with a lonely hollow glare in her eyes. However, her soul was anything but hollow.

…Heaven’s waiting room…? I thought…

Isn’t life a ‘waiting room’ for Heaven?

I imagine being ‘one of them’ – completely dependent on someone else to take care of me; how it must feel to completely surrender your independence because you just can’t do it on your own.

I remember back when I realized I just couldn’t do it on my own; when I needed to surrender my independence to The One who I could completely depend on. I wasn’t elderly, and I wasn’t needing someone to feed, dress, change and bath me. Actually, I needed more than that. I was in need of a Savior; a rescuer. Not a caregiver.

From the perspective of time, Heaven is eternal, everlasting, never-ending. Life is not. We enter into it about as fast as we leave it (and often the same way). God knew it would be that way; He knew it would be temporary, which is why He provided a Savior in Jesus Christ as a bridge to eternal life. He knew that in His waiting room we would experience fear, anxiety, anticipation, questions, anger and frustration. But he also knew we would experience courage, peace, patience, joy, purpose and love. He knew that some people would spend less time waiting than others (realizing that people who pass early in life just had an appointment with Him much sooner than the rest). And while we may not like that reality (right now), it isn’t the last time we will ever see them, because we have an appointment with Him too, someday – which will bring us back to them.

“Death is a lot less scary when you have something to look forward to…” I remember whispering in her ear when she was approaching her final days ‘in the waiting room.’

It was hard not to get attached. I love(d) these residents dearly.

residents

Every interaction was a reminder for me not to take my days for granted. Boy was that ‘desperation’ job a blessing. And as we sit in the real ‘waiting rooms’ of life, faced with the unknown of our present (and future), we are reminded of the promises God has for those who love Him:

“Peace I leave with you, My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.” John 14:27

“Be on your guard; stand firm in the faith, be men (and women) of courage; be strong.” 1 Corinthians 16:13

“Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer.” Romans 12:12

…and always remember in the waiting rooms of life that there is nothing ‘unknown’ to God.

Love,

Kristen

Patience and Hope: There is Always a Calm After the Storm

13 Tuesday May 2014

Posted by Kristen Seidl in Brain Tumor, Faith, Friendship, Inspirational, LIFE Leadership, Relationships

≈ 5 Comments

Tags

George Guzzardo, Hope, Jesus, Laurie Woodward, LIFE Leadership, Orrin Woodward, Raging Storms of Life

“…He causes His sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous.” Matthew 5:45

Most of the articles I write are born out of personal experiences. When a crazy idea or experience emerges, I then reflect on whether the information will be helpful or relevant to whoever may read it. Usually it will take days, weeks or months for an idea or experience to be a complete; however, this one took just hours.

storms 2

Sunday afternoon I was reading a book at my usual spot down by the river. The sun was shining, a warm breeze cooled the Wisconsin air as husbands and wives paced side by side for their afternoon walks, father’s and son’s cast their fishing lines into the raging river hoping to reel one in for a picture, avid runners clocked their times as they hit each mile marker. It was a beautiful day.

It wasn’t long before the clouds rolled in and I felt the first rain drop hit my nose. In seconds people started to flee towards their cars to shelter themselves from a potential heavy rainfall. I couldn’t believe how quickly an active and friendly area soon became an empty, dark and desolate landscape. I froze this moment as I sat and witnessed this and began to connect and relate this scenario to real life…how the physical weather carries a similar connection to the mysteries of living. How sometimes we can go days, weeks, months and even years experiencing ‘pouring rain’ with little hope that there is a misty calm approaching; or sometimes how our life can feel like one big gray cloud that never seems to rain and never seems to shine; or sometimes how people run and hide from potential rain when most of the time it’s never as bad as they anticipate.

Let me relate this to my own personal journey. Anyone who has experienced any major challenges understands the pain associated with losing patience and hope. For the past 18 months I have gone through a cycle that I can honestly say has been the most challenging, painful and stressful time of my life. I thought I knew struggle prior to this rainfall but my perspective has significantly changed in the last year and a half.

It was around 2011 when the warm and bright sunlight of my life started to turn into gray clouds. I was anticipating a storm I just didn’t know how bad the storm would be or how long it would last. I was living a very happy, healthy, purposeful, financially stable lifestyle with a thriving business and a passionate pursuit to make a difference… when subtly gray clouds started to come in. I wasn’t surprised. Life is full of unexpected challenges. However, these gray clouds seemed to be different. They weren’t real obvious at first and I continued to live my life as if the clouds weren’t there – like I would get a headache and call it ‘stress’ or I would have a sleepless night and blame my coffee obsession. The physical pain of life never really bothered me. I was used to physical pain. I was a competitive athlete for over 18 years. I’ve blown my knees out playing basketball multiple times, sprained my ankles more times than I can even count, have had concussions, jammed fingers and black eyes from elbows to my face…my bones pop, my muscles ache, it’s just the reality of being a former athlete….so the little daily abnormalities never raised any concerns for me.

But, it seemed very quickly the scattered gray clouds grew denser and darker. My personality and attitude began to change (for no clear reason). I was more edgy, unapproachable, negative and distant (or so I’ve been told). It seemed like I was having more bad days than good days. The physical abnormalities I had experienced for years were starting to frustrate me…a lot! It wasn’t long before other areas of my life started to get increasingly difficult. A rough batch of roommates/tenants created financial strain and extra stress, a good friend would quit my business (and I would take it personal), a fight with a family member created unresolved tension and conflict, a prior 30 minute headache turned into three days with no relief.

thunderstorms

My gray clouds quickly turned into scattered showers. It seemed like in some areas of my life things were still going well but in other areas things were just beginning to fall apart. Of course in the moment we don’t see these things as gray clouds or scattered showers. We live each day and thank God for only 24 hours because it means we can start fresh a new day; but some of those ‘new days’ seemed to be no different than the previous. I would wake up with every intention to have a positive attitude and outlook but then on the way to a meeting I would get a speeding ticket or I would get a phone call that someone close to me just passed away; pretty soon those ‘clumps’ of days turned into weeks of unending scattered showers. It didn’t take long for an unexpected raging storm to drench my life.

Ironically Wisconsin has been hit with several days of heavy rainfall. Even as I write this the thunder is rolling. But on Sunday afternoon the analogy was so clear. I could see the clouds getting darker in the distance. I could see the rain a few miles out. However, I could not predict the downpour that was about to take place. That’s what happened in 2012 when the downpour of my life hit me without warning. Sometimes, if you are lucky, the rain dissipates before it reaches you. Sometimes it moves in a different direction and someone else gets hit with it. In my case, God pointed that rain in my direction and I was not prepared to take shelter.

Looking back I can see that the scattered showers were actually warning signs from God. Either I would listen to the warning signs and do something about it before it got worse or I would have to accept the fact that heavy rain was coming my way. I’ve also learned that sometimes God has to go to extremes in order to wake us up and/or teach us something. Again, anyone who has experienced heavy rainfall for any extended period of time knows what I am talking about. I am not referring to the one or two bad days a month where everything seems to be going wrong. I am referring to the continual ‘bad days’ …and worse, not being in control or having a solution for those days.

I could argue that probably 90% of the time most people have a choice on whether their day is going to be filled with sunshine or filled with rain, just by their attitude. During most of my scattered showers, there probably could have been more days of sunshine if I would have just chose to have a better attitude. But, it seems like 10% of the time (in life) there are those moments that even a good attitude usually can’t improve the situation (i.e. grieving the loss of someone you love, serious illness, abuse, marital stress, financial disarray, etc, etc). That 10% is what I like to refer to as the ‘raging storms’ of life.

It’s in times like these that our trust and faith in God is most important. Without going into any major detail I can say with certainty that the heavy rainfall I experienced these last 18 months have been, without a doubt, an enormous test of faith. From a car accident that left me lifeless for over a month, to an inoperable brain tumor diagnosis, to major treatment decisions such as 6 weeks of radiation and several months of chemotherapy, to multiple days and weeks at a time of physical pain and sickness, to financial stress due to large medical bills, to almost losing my house, to watching team members and friends walk away from their dreams, to a healing that left me relieved but completely lost, to financial collapse, to depression, to loss of hope, to another brain tumor diagnosis, to the loss of my last living grandparent, to a family collapse and a 3rd brain tumor diagnosis; it has been a period of pouring rain with very little sunlight. I guess the old saying is true, “When it rains, it pours.”

And yet, even though it is still raining, I can finally see the sunlight beaming through the clouds. I can’t even count the number of times I thought the heavy rain would never end; that I would never see the light of day.

All of us experience different heavy storms in life and most people experience storms multiple times throughout their life, even for extended periods of time. It’s a very challenging and confusing place to be. And sometimes the storm hits you even when you try to seek shelter but often times there is no shelter at all. The storms of life are meant to change your landscape. If your landscape isn’t changed in some way, then it probably wasn’t a storm.

If you are being drenched right now, I want to encourage you that things will get better. There is always a calm after the storm. But in the meantime, here are some things that have helped me have patience and hope in the pouring rain:

  1. Stay positive – Always be the light in a dark room. You can’t always control your circumstances but you can control your attitude in those circumstances. It helps to surround yourself with a community of friends and people who are encouraging and uplifting. LIFE Leadership has been that community for me.
  2. Stay busy (with your priorities) – Keep your mind focused on the things and people who are important to you.
  3. Do things you enjoy and are passionate about – Even when you don’t feel like it, force yourself to do it anyways.
  4. Don’t complain about your problems or your bad day – The more you complain, the worse it makes you feel.    BUT…
  5. Communicate with trusted family, friends or mentors – The storms of life should never be handled alone. Guidance, support, encouragement and love is so crucial. But make sure to communicate those struggles only with those closest to you.
  6. Serve Others – Help other people make it through their storms and you will likely think less about your storms.
  7. Pray – Spend time communicating with God.

There are a number of other ways to overcome the raging storms of life and these are just a few that have helped me. I pray that if rain is pouring down on you right now that you cling to the hope that there IS a calm after the storm. There is a rainbow coming. There will be sunshine again. It’s just part of the process. Be patient. God has a plan for the rain you are experiencing and He wants you to use this experience to glorify Him.

Sunday afternoon when the rain came pouring down, I just sat there and let myself get drenched. It made me feel more alive than I have felt in a really long time. If you have ever been completely drenched from a rainstorm you understand what I mean – you can feel every drop, the chill runs through every vein in your body, your heartbeat races just a little bit faster than normal and it practically takes your breath away. It was the first time I was able to thank God for the raging storms in my life because it meant that I am still alive. It meant that no matter what happens to me in the pouring rain, there is ALWAYS calmness, rainbows and warm sunlight to look forward to – whether it be in this life or the next! Stay strong when rain pours down on your of life (because it will) and hold onto the hope that someday we will get to experience eternal sunlight forever with Jesus.

SUNAgain Jesus spoke to them, saying, “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will not walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.” John 8:12

Love, Kristen

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