Tag Archives: Love

Hope Outlasts the Passage of Time

06 Monday Apr 2015

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“Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer.” Romans 12:12

You never see the hard days in a photo album.

family

This Easter was unlike any other that I have experienced. On Good Friday, I attended an evening service at Colonial Baptist Church in Cary, NC (my new home state and home church) that brought me to an uncontrollable and emotional breaking point. I have never been more present or have experienced the Holy Spirit’s presence in such a way as was shared through the message and music of that evening. The tears continued to roll down my cheeks as I drove home in silence thinking about my Savior’s crucifixion on the cross that evening over 2,000 years ago. Was the overwhelming emotion because I imagined how alone He must have felt during those final hours? Was it because my heart was broken at the thought of His pain and those who loved Him and had watched Him suffer? (Thinking about the people who I love and are suffering)… Or was it because I felt guilty that He had endured so much for someone as unworthy as me. Whatever the cause, it’s irrelevant, and “thank you Jesus” were the only prayers I could repeat as my heart filled with gratitude for what He had done on my behalf.

I reflected on years past when Easter was not about Jesus, it was about a bunny. For nearly 21 years I did not attend a church, nor did I understand why Easter was even celebrated. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to know…I was just ignorant to the Truth. You see, like most families my parents would hide a fully stuffed and decorated Easter basket for my brother and I to look for on Easter morning, then later in the day my family would get together and we would eat a bunch of candy, feast over a big meal and fellowship with one another – joyously partaking in the celebration of _________________ (What??) (…a beautiful Spring day?…Sunday family time?…a yellow bunny that hides baskets and doesn’t actually exist?) Sure, I have great memories of Easter from years past, but were they really “Easter” memories or just “family” memories that happened to fall on Easter Sunday?

This Easter was quite different though. I moved to North Carolina knowing that things would be much different during the holidays and would not leave the same kind of “family” memories as my childhood remembers. But, I wouldn’t change any of it because I now celebrate the true meaning of the day.

When I called my mom after the morning church service, she reminded me of how different it is not having anyone to celebrate with anymore. To which I thought, are you more sad about being alone this year or not understanding the real reason for the holday? Truth is, if you don’t know WHY you are celebrating, it doesn’t matter how big your family is, or what traditions you have, there really is no point. But, I empathized with her because I, too, have a heart of sadness in the passage of time that has dramatically distorted the image of my family photo.

Death, divorce and drama throughout the years has not only left the few of us who are still here alone…but sad at the result of this present time. My mom stated, “I never saw my life like this.” …I was silent…knowing she was right. We never imagine our lives to change as much as they do and as quickly as it does. I see this beautiful and happy family 25 years ago (shown above) and don’t even recognize the photo anymore (shown below) – same picture in 1990, dramatically different reality in 2015:

broken family

You never see the hard days in a photo album.

It reminds me just how temporary this life truly is and how much of it is NOT in our control. So many things happen with the passage of time that, of course, we can’t possibly predict how things will turn out. But, there is one thing that remains unchanged and even outlasts the passage of time…and that is the hope we have in Jesus Christ.

I went for an afternoon walk by myself after Easter church service and clenched the cross around my neck thanking Jesus for the hope He has given me through His death and resurrection. Because, despite the pain and sadness of my past and even the loneliness that easily consumes me when I stray, Christ always manages to fill my heart with joy as I think about a future with Him. That is WHY I celebrate. That is why I continue to smile through the hard times. That is why I can accept the reality of my current family photo and still be grateful for my life as I celebrate Him. Because Jesus reminds me (especially on days that are meant for Him) that it’s not about ME! And the more I live that truth and meditate on that hope, the easier it is to surrender my past, accept my present and live a life that will glorify Him for my future!

I pray for you who have a similar story and struggle with your faith…because I have been there. I pray for you who are alone during the holidays and don’t feel the presence of God at your side…because I have been there. I pray for you who are going through hard times right now and don’t know the hope that a future with Christ holds…because I have been there.

And I want to encourage you beyond my own experiences because, it’s not about me. Christ has been there too….He overcame every obstacle that we will face in this life. He even overcame the scariest and most permanent obstacle of all….death. That is why we celebrate Easter! He overcame it and you can too! Time will continue to pass, our lives will continue to change quickly and dramatically, our family photos will look nothing like they used to, but one thing will remain the same, unchanged, always – and that is the hope we have in a life with Jesus when we use our life to glorify Him. And if He is all we are left with in the end, then He is all we really need. 

“The Lord is my portion,” says my soul, “therefore I will hope in Him.” Lamentations 3:24

Prayers and love to you,

Kristen

A Grateful Heart Doesn’t Need a “Restart” Button

26 Thursday Feb 2015

Posted by in Faith, Inspirational, Legacy, LIFE Leadership, Love

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Has anyone ever thought this? …I wish I could change the status of my life like I change the settings on my computer or my smart phone.

I’ll be the first to admit that I have uttered these words under my breath. “If only my life had a restart button, I would do so many things different.”

“… I’d do this better… I’d manage this more appropriately…I’d be more intentional regarding this…I’d make better decisions regarding that…”

When my grandma was dying she quickly started to fade into dependence on others (and God). In her final weeks and days, she lost her independence and her ability to take care of herself, but she never lost her spirit. My grandma was always so strong and independent; she rarely asked for help and even lived alone for an additional five years after my grandfather had passed away…without transportation, technology or a “restart” button on her life. She enjoyed quality time with friends and family (especially with me!), loved to cook, sing, dance, read her Bible, pray and bring joy to others.

The last week of her life I remember having a bit of a crying spell. I knew her time was coming to an end and I just couldn’t bear the thought of living without her. I remember our last conversation so clearly. She was sitting in her recliner at home, weak and frail but looking for the strength to stay alert; and somehow God gave her the capacity and ability to talk with me for nearly an hour – fully “grandma.”

I asked her: “Grandma, whatcha’ thinking about?”

She said: “Kristen, I didn’t think it would come this soon.”

Trying to fight back tears for nearly an hour, I asked: “What do you mean? What does it feel like?”

She looked me square in the eyes and said: “…it feels short. I remember my childhood, my wedding, the birth of my children and every event that brought me joy throughout the years. When I am alone, I think of all the good times. It makes me grateful. None of the hard times even matter.”

I just remember sitting there holding her hands, looking into her eyes, trying to embed the feeling and image of this angel woman who changed my life, into my heart.

I asked her, “Is there anything you wished you could do over?”

She responded confidently (as she always did for as long as I knew her), “Nothing. I’ve had such a great life. God has given me so much. It wasn’t perfect but it was the perfect life God had for me.”

If there was ever a time that someone might want to hit the “restart” button on their life, I’d think it would be at the end. And as I reflect on this conversation with my grandma, I am convicted and reminded that no matter how much I sometimes want to “hibernate” or “shut down” or hit “restart” on my life, that I am just wasting time being ungrateful for the life God has given me.

restart

I often wonder if I was asked those same questions would I respond in the same manner. Would I answer with a grateful heart or a regretful heart? Would words of wisdom flow from my tongue or a sense of weariness flood from my heart?

I believe that gratitude is a choice we make: 

When we start a new day…

When we start a new chapter in our lives…

When we face new challenges…

…in all circumstances.

A.W. Tozer once said, “The goodness of God is infinitely more wonderful than we will ever be able to comprehend.” (I am so grateful for this promise!)

God didn’t give us buttons to push in order to change our life, He loves us so much that He gave us His Son instead. 

In that same conversation just five days before she passed away, I joked with her and said, “Well grandma, it looks like you are going to get to see Jesus before I do.”

And in a quick wit that served her well to the end, she teased with a twinkle in her eye, “Are you jealous?”

We both smiled with tears in our eyes. She knew that I knew she would be okay. Selfishly, I didn’t want her to go. But, I am grateful that she had a relationship with Jesus Christ, who saved her life for all of eternity. Because of Him, I will get to see her again someday.

Don’t pray for God to change your situation or your status, pray for God to change your heart…to a heart of gratitude.

“Gratitude turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos into order, confusion into clarity…it makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and gives hope for tomorrow.” Melody Beattie

Love,

Kristen

Remembering my best friend and guardian angel: 

Ann Mardoian: March 26th, 1925 – February 23rd, 2014

grandma

 

Life: Heaven’s Waiting Room

08 Wednesday Oct 2014

Posted by in Faith, Freedom, Inspirational, Legacy, LIFE Leadership, Love

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“Have you ever done this type of work before…?” The facility director asked with optimism.

“Some, but not professionally.” I responded. “…But I love doing this kind of work.”

I was desperate to find something during a critical transitional time so it didn’t matter what type of work I would be doing. 3rd shift CNA-type work was acceptable as long as it filled the need I had been looking for.

I didn’t know what I was getting myself into when I took the position. I had one co-worker tell me, “This can be a disgusting job if you aren’t used to it…” My only thought was, what’s so disgusting about caring for others? It wasn’t the job or work that bothered me. These were human beings, people who had families that loved them and a life story. Another co-worker said, “Don’t try to get too close to the residents….places like this are where people come to die.”

You are kidding me right? What a heartless thing to say.

But, many did die…on my watch.

After spending some time with the residents, I began to wonder what their lives used to be. People change drastically when they grow old. Being a caregiver on the graveyard shift left me ‘getting to know’ the residents mostly through their pictures. In one of the pictures was a resident dancing in the arms of her husband with her eyes closed, smiling with such an infectious bliss, one would think it was the happiest moment in her life. But she deteriorated fast; it was painful to watch her in a catatonic state, barely blinking and not moving in her bed. That was very common on the memory care unit I was primarily assigned to.

After merely a few hours working in the facility, I could feel how lonely most of these people were. I find it too difficult to imagine how friends and family of a deceased resident could recall their fondest memories at the funeral while completely omitting the time they left the resident by themselves when they needed company the most.

On the random occasion when I would pick up a day shift, I noticed it was not uncommon for a resident to sit quietly by themselves looking out the window waiting for love and interaction with someone who cared to give them time. “This is Heaven’s waiting room…” one nurse said, as I remember a time sadly gazing at the woman who always kept her Bible and cross close to her side in the wheelchair with a lonely hollow glare in her eyes. However, her soul was anything but hollow.

…Heaven’s waiting room…? I thought…

Isn’t life a ‘waiting room’ for Heaven?

I imagine being ‘one of them’ – completely dependent on someone else to take care of me; how it must feel to completely surrender your independence because you just can’t do it on your own.

I remember back when I realized I just couldn’t do it on my own; when I needed to surrender my independence to The One who I could completely depend on. I wasn’t elderly, and I wasn’t needing someone to feed, dress, change and bath me. Actually, I needed more than that. I was in need of a Savior; a rescuer. Not a caregiver.

From the perspective of time, Heaven is eternal, everlasting, never-ending. Life is not. We enter into it about as fast as we leave it (and often the same way). God knew it would be that way; He knew it would be temporary, which is why He provided a Savior in Jesus Christ as a bridge to eternal life. He knew that in His waiting room we would experience fear, anxiety, anticipation, questions, anger and frustration. But he also knew we would experience courage, peace, patience, joy, purpose and love. He knew that some people would spend less time waiting than others (realizing that people who pass early in life just had an appointment with Him much sooner than the rest). And while we may not like that reality (right now), it isn’t the last time we will ever see them, because we have an appointment with Him too, someday – which will bring us back to them.

“Death is a lot less scary when you have something to look forward to…” I remember whispering in her ear when she was approaching her final days ‘in the waiting room.’

It was hard not to get attached. I love(d) these residents dearly.

residents

Every interaction was a reminder for me not to take my days for granted. Boy was that ‘desperation’ job a blessing. And as we sit in the real ‘waiting rooms’ of life, faced with the unknown of our present (and future), we are reminded of the promises God has for those who love Him:

“Peace I leave with you, My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.” John 14:27

“Be on your guard; stand firm in the faith, be men (and women) of courage; be strong.” 1 Corinthians 16:13

“Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer.” Romans 12:12

…and always remember in the waiting rooms of life that there is nothing ‘unknown’ to God.

Love,

Kristen

Veritas Vos Liberabit

06 Thursday Feb 2014

Posted by in Brain Tumor, Faith, Inspirational, Legacy, Love

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The hinges of the flood gates were weak and the salty downpour was a constant threat.

I was at the point where anything had the potential to tip me over.

I’m normally not an emotional person, so being in that state made me feel unstable, vulnerable and weak.

I lay in bed trying to figure out what’s wrong with me? Was I subconsciously drowning in my own self pity, fearfully questioning the next chapter of my life?

Perhaps, but something uglier was going on.

I had been feeling defeated, judged, worthless, guilty, ugly, unstable and selfish; and as a result my behavior and attitude reflected my thoughts.

Old habits that I had been freed of years ago were resurfacing, and lies I no longer believed were echoing in my ears and directing my actions.

As I lay crouched up on the couch staring into the fake embers of my gas fireplace reliving a day of selfish behavior and meltdowns, the ugly whisper returns:

…you haven’t changed one bit now have you?

…what a waste of a life you have had.

I was reliving the lies of my (misunderstood) purposeless past.

For months I had been believing these lies, indirectly forcing me to question my existence and calling.

When eventually one morning I woke up to a quieter whisper, gentle but firm.

It bid me to start writing about the lies that I had been hearing.

truth

When I was finished with that, I began to pray for change, truth and clarity.

I paged through the bible looking for verses that would bring light to my darkness and suddenly I found myself filling my page with words of freedom and hope.

“Lead me in your truth and teach me, for you are the God of my salvation; for you I wait all the day long.” Psalm 25:5

“Truth shall spring up from the earth and righteousness shall look down from heaven.” Psalm 85:11

“Little children, let us not love in theory and in speech but in deed and in truth.” 1 John 3:18

And, my favorite:

John 8:32 “And you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” 

…And just like that the lies had lost their sting – in fact these words empowered me.

It makes so much sense now. Of course Satan would tempt me into believing that I am worthless and purposeless. He is the complete antithesis of truth and life.

The chains that had been broken five years ago when I accepted Jesus as my Lord and Savior were already stripped from me and no lie, no matter how believable, could ever reconnect those chains.

Ironically, just a couple days ago I was diagnosed with another brain tumor – different from the first. Were some of the emotions I had been feeling linked to this subconscious but ultimately true reality? I may never know. But what I do know is that God does have a purpose and a plan. And despite the recent news, I am confident that one day I will have the answers. But until then, my hope rests in His truth and His word.

…”For I know the plans I have for you, “declares the Lord,” plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11

Jesus is freedom and He is truth! And it is by His grace that we have been set free from all the lies, sin and pain of this world.

For the rest of our lives we will be surrounded by situations and lies we can’t explain but the truth is that if we don’t receive them, they can’t have power over us. Remain faithful, live courageously and arm yourself with the Truth as your sword and shield as you go out and battle the deceit and trouble of this world.

(In Latin) Veritas vos liberabit – The Truth Shall Set you Free 

 

Love, Kristen

Just Passing Through

27 Friday Dec 2013

Posted by in Faith, Inspirational, Legacy, Love

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“But our citizenship is in heaven. And we eagerly await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ.” Philippians 3:20

FogAheadI had been driving from Southeast Wisconsin to Northern Wisconsin late one night on an intensely dark two lane highway when it started pouring rain. The densely thick fog made visibility strikingly difficult and I could barely see the white stripe on the edge of the road let alone two feet in front of me. I didn’t want to stop because I was afraid someone might come along and rear-end me so I unknowingly coasted forward hoping the rain or fog would subside in mere moments.

Up ahead I could see what appeared to be the taillights of a truck that was coasting confidently through the storm. He must have had fog lamps in front because his fearless and deliberate pace was no comparison to the disorientation I had been feeling in that instant. But somehow I knew that if I could just follow those taillights, I’d be headed in the right direction.

This experience provided a metaphor for clarity as I have reflected on the last two weeks or so. As some of you know my grandma has been fighting to live as her health is declining. In fact, just last week the doctor’s were not very optimistic about her even surviving through the holiday’s. It breaks my heart because she is my last living grandparent and our relationship is closer than almost any other relationship I have within my family. The deep and intimate talks and moments we share are etched in my memory forever.

About a week ago my mom had been leaving the nursing home where my grandma is staying temporarily and as my mom went to give her a hug to leave, my grandma tearfully gripped my mom’s shoulders tighter and didn’t want to let her go… she was afraid she would die that night. Up until these last few weeks my grandma’s tough outer shell has been broken down and her vulnerability for comfort and clarity is resting in the hands of those closest to her. Immediately the next day I went down to visit because I knew the fear and anxiety she must have been feeling and I just wanted to be there to comfort and encourage her through some of those troubling thoughts.

me and grandma 2When I walked in she lit up with joy as her smile contagiously brought a huge smile to my face as well. Before walking in I asked God to give me the strength to encourage her and give her hope in the midst of her darkness. Even though I know she is a Believer I am not certain if she fully understands God’s love and promise and hope in eternal life. I wasn’t sure how I would bring it up to her but I was just trusting in God to reveal to me the right time and I just knew that it was necessary to give her comfort in her last days, weeks or months.

Our conversation transitioned perfectly later in the evening as she said to me, “Kristen, I am dying” with defeat and fear written on her face. While everything in me just wanted to hold her and weep I just knew I couldn’t. I wanted her to know that dying is not a defeat and it is not the end. I wanted her to know that dying is actually a victory because when our bodies are no longer here on earth it means our souls are rejoicing with Jesus in Heaven for all of Eternity. It means that all the pain, struggle, fear, disappointment and chaos are now behind us and we get to live victoriously with the Creator of the world. I told her that she needs to live the remainder of her days with hope in her heart and celebration, not fear and defeat because whenever God decides to call her Home it’s because He couldn’t wait to meet her face to face.

I also told her, “if you live each and every day as if it’s a celebration, I would be willing the bet God would keep you here a lot longer because you will have appreciated the gift of life He has given you. Heck, He might even keep you here another 10 years!” She laughed and said, “I don’t know if I can handle another 10 years.”

It was so wonderful because her spirit turned completely around over the next week leading up into Christmas. Two weeks ago we were talking about Hospice and funeral arrangements and now we are talking about who is going to take care of her when she goes home!

church steepleSo let me finish the story I began with. I had been just passing through this storm while trusting in the taillights of this unknown truck for what seemed like hours when eventually the storm had passed and I could finally gain some visibility.  I could clearly see some landmarks as I rounded a curve that was silhouetted against the night sky. Just ahead I saw the steeple of a church and the cross of Christ reflecting off of the moonlight and I realized in that instant that the confusion of the fog, the heavy rain, the uncertainty of direction – it was all God revealing to me the beauty and light that is promised in Heaven beyond the fear and disorder of the world.

That experience helped me to realize that this life is only temporary and we are all just passing through for a period of time. It also encouraged my grandma during a very unfavorable and scary stage in her life. Even though it’s hard, we have to have faith in the unknown, we have to trust that God is leading us in the right direction, we have to have hope beyond the darkness and we have to realize that our struggles are temporary and eventually the storms of life will pass as victory awaits us.

People need hope. Not just hope for tomorrow but hope for all of eternity. And it is our responsibility as believers to share that hope with others. It’s real easy to allow our own fear and doubt to cloud the truth that we know in our heart. My grandma knew the truth, she just needed confirmation that what exists in her heart is the real promise of God. We celebrated Christmas to thank God for sending His spotless son to earth to die on a cross for our sins so we would never have to experience an ‘end.’ Jesus was just passing through for a mere 33 years just like we all have our own timeline – the difference is, His life (as short as it was) is the exact reason we celebrate – it’s because His legacy changed the world and our eternal lives forever!

Join my grandma in celebrating life and God’s promise for us all:

(At the request of the couple in the mirror – who were Jewish, we all joined them in Celebration on Christmas Eve – just two days ago. Enjoy!)

(I should probably clarify, grandma is still here with us. This is my way of being able to celebrate her life while she is still here).

Love,

Kristen

Unspoken Love

24 Sunday Nov 2013

Posted by in Faith, Friendship, Love, Relationships

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“Give thanks to the God of heaven, for His steadfast love endures forever.” Psalm 136:26

This time of year often carries a different meaning for different people. Many people love this time of year because it is filled with the holidays, fun, family, food and love. Other people dread this time of year because it can reflect a time of grief for loved ones not here, conflict in families, loneliness and stress. I personally fall right in the middle of these two categories. Living room Christmas

I spent this afternoon setting up my Christmas tree and hanging decorations for the holiday season – a fairly common ‘ritual’ for most people around this time of year. But it was while listening to the meaning behind the lyrics of the Christmas songs that were playing in the background while warming my hands and feet in front of the fireplace that I was inspired to write this post.

Earlier this week I was extremely frustrated and stressed about some personal matters. I had a hard time dealing with the emotions associated and found myself yelling at God in anger because I just didn’t understand why it was happening or how to fix it (as if it was God’s fault). Instead of humbly asking God to help me, I was angry with Him… and carried this anger with me all week!

As my heart started to race and tears began to shed this morning in church I couldn’t help but ask God for forgiveness, help and guidance. He reminded me of Friday afternoon when my high school students displayed the sort of love that is often times only revealed through God.

One of my seniors had injured her self fairly severely in an activity and immediately my students took action. What I didn’t realize until I got into my car that afternoon was the type of love they displayed. A type of love we don’t often talk about and doesn’t always get recognition – unspoken love. In a matter of seconds I had students leading with their heart; one student ran to get an ice pack, another ran to get a wheelchair, another ran to get a cell phone to call the girl’s mom and another ran to get a nurse while others stood by to encourage her and dry her tears. Seconds later one student boldly suggested, “I think we should pray” and she led her remaining classmates in a prayer. What was so beautiful about this moment was the realization that they did this all without my instruction – it came purely from the love in their hearts. It was a very proud and memorable moment for me and more importantly for God. I guarantee that young lady left school feeling deeply loved.

It was in my reflection this morning and again later this afternoon that I realized how simple it is to display love and conversely receive love without words (just like my students modeled on Friday). Like…the unspoken love of laughter, the unspoken love of a warm hug, the unspoken love of a card filled with X’s and O’s, the unspoken love of holding someone’s hand, the unspoken love of a listening ear, the unspoken love of dancing to no music, the unspoken love of a child climbing into your lap, the unspoken love of a knowing glance, the unspoken love of a tiny hand grabbing your finger or the unspoken love of serving someone else. Who doesn’t like to give and receive this kind of love?

love GodBut I believe the most obvious and powerful unspoken love we can receive is the love of God. No matter how angry we may be with Him (or ourselves), no matter what sin we violate, no matter how broken our hearts may be or how lonely we may feel we can find peace, comfort and hope in the unspoken love of God. It was the unspoken love of God that filled my heart this morning when I needed it the most. He continued to love me even when I didn’t deserve it.

God hears every unspoken word, sees every unseen wound and mends every unbearable pain. There is no problem He can’t solve or question He can’t answer. We just have to be patient enough to listen and faithful enough to trust Him.

So as we enter into a time of holiday cheer, laughter, fun, family, food and love, lets not forget about those who don’t have anyone to celebrate with or those who are facing health challenges, a family crisis or overwhelming stress. Not only should we embrace the love in the everyday things around us but also display and share the unspoken love of God in our hearts to those who may need the hope and love of Jesus the most during this time.

“God’s unfailing love for us is an objective fact affirmed over and over in the Scriptures. It is true whether we believe it or not. Our doubts do not destroy God’s love, nor does our faith create it. It originates in the very nature of God, who is love, and it flows to us through our union with His beloved Son.” Jerry Bridges

Much love,

Kristen

Encouragement for Singles

13 Wednesday Nov 2013

Posted by in Community and Leadership, Friendship, Inspirational, Love, Relationships

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I had been sitting at the airport restaurant waiting for my flight to depart when the waitress approached and asked if anyone would be joining me. To which I responded, “nope, just me.”

single 2For the majority of my life that phrase has been a normal part of my vocabulary. In fact, thinking back, the longest relationship I ever had in high school lasted three months and I can hardly call it a relationship because I was barely 16 years old. In fact just a couple of months after I broke up with him he started dating a really good friend of mine and they have been together ever since. Today he and my friend are married and have a child together. What a blessing that it didn’t work out because they are the perfect couple. God had it planned.

College wasn’t any better. For four and a half years I devoted my life to education, basketball, business and work. The last thing I cared about prioritizing into that schedule was a man. Once I graduated I realized how lonely life had been due to the poor relationships I had with people and many years of isolation; that loneliness led to a period of desperation where I just wanted to meet someone. A good friend of mine from college was in a similar boat so we willingly agreed to try online dating together. Both of us were too prideful to admit to our friends and family we were doing it and our lack of success in the process proved to be accurate as we both failed miserably… but, formed a library of funny stories in the process.

About a year after that experiment I took it upon myself to give it another try. This time though I had been starting my spiritual journey and I could see more clearly the type of man I was looking for. Another friend had referred me to a Christian dating website that she had found success in and it had led me to my first official adult relationship at the age of 24 (nearly 8 years later). The person I met had every quality I had been looking for but I realized 9 months into it that we had no chemistry so… we broke up. Six months later he met the woman of his dreams and he too is now married with two children. God had that one planned too.

SingleEver since then I have been single. In fact when people say they have been single their entire life, I hesitate to believe them unless they have a track record as slim as mine (less than 12 months of relationship experience in 28 years). I am still not sure if I should be proud or embarrassed of that. For as long as I can remember I have questioned what was wrong with me as I patiently sit on the side lines lovingly watching my friends walk down the aisle and bring children into this world with tears of joy streaming down my face but tears of sadness filling my heart as I question whether it will ever happen for me. I jokingly embrace my single-ness to other people but deep down I long to meet that special someone. I confidently express my patience to the public as I wait on God’s timing but deep down I continue to question if God really does have someone for me.

Psalms 145:16 says, “You open your hand and satisfy the desires of every living thing.”

I read this verse as if it says, if you desire to be married, if in your deepest of hearts you desire a mate, then God will satisfy that desire. It wasn’t until I started to grow closer in my relationship with God that my patience grew stronger. Granted, it is easy to lose that grip when the temptation and pressure to be in a committed relationship gains weight and you start to lose your patience. But, my single friends, you are worth more than a casual non-committed relationship. Don’t lose your grip. You are valuable, you are precious. You deserve commitment and stability and God promises that. It’s funny because I often tell my friends that when I find ‘the one’ he better be ready. I don’t have time to waste in the normal two years of dating and another two year engagement. Ha, but then I am reminded of how naive that statement is. It isn’t my timing, it’s God’s timing. (Oh, and I suppose he has to know to).

What I have learned is that when we pursue a relationship for the wrong reasons we ultimately fall into relationships that are drenched in drama. God does not want us to ‘settle’ for something less. It is finding that place of peaceful existence with the person God has prepared for us. I want to be in a relationship that doesn’t compete with my relationship with God. I know it exists. We can have both. We don’t have to choose one or the other. We just have to have peace in knowing that it’s out there for us.

The purpose of this article is to encourage other single men and women to be patient and find peace in being single. I promise that the plan God has for you is worth waiting for.

Love, Kristen

In the meantime, God promises this:

Kindness Boomerang

17 Tuesday Sep 2013

Posted by in Community and Leadership, Friendship, Inspirational, Legacy, Love

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“In all things I have shown you that by working hard in this way we must help the weak and remember the words of the Lord Jesus, how he himself said, ‘It is more blessed to give than to receive.’” Acts 20:35

kindnessA few months ago I was driving through my hometown and decided to swing by my mom’s house to drop off a few groceries she needed me to pick up for her while she was at work. I wasn’t there for more than five minutes when the doorbell rang. I normally wouldn’t have answered the door but because I was only going to be there a couple minutes I decided to leave the front door open revealing evidence that someone was there. So I proceeded to answer and met a young high school graduate who was going door to door selling magazine subscriptions. Normally, my natural response would have been that I am not interested (no questions asked), especially provided that it wasn’t even my house. But instead, I responded with some questions.

She proceeded to tell me that she was selling these subscriptions to raise money for a mission trip she was planning to go on. I asked her how her sales were going and she said, ‘Not very well. Most people are either not home or not answering their door.’ I understood completely how she may have been feeling and yet, her energy was contagious, her attitude positive and her passion exuding through her beautiful smile. So I decided to invite her inside and ask her a few more questions. Deep down I was telling myself, I have no desire to invest in a magazine subscription. I hadn’t bought a magazine in over 10 years. But, I knew I wanted to help her out. I asked her how much the subscriptions were and if I could just make a one time donation in the amount of the subscription to go towards her trip (without the magazines). She said yes but then told me if I ‘donate’ my subscription she gets more credit towards her trip. Then I asked her who I could donate the subscription to and she said anyone… or, I could donate to the Children’s Hospital and that gives her the most credit towards her trip. Obviously a no-brainer for me, that’s exactly what I wanted to do. She told me what the most popular children’s magazine subscription was and I wrote her the check. This young teenager had such a great spirit about her and it felt great to help her out.

Please don’t take this the wrong way though, this wasn’t about me at all. I just happened to be exactly where God needed me to be to help this young lady out; this was all about Brittany. I was so impressed with her courage, her passion, her love for people, her attitude, her commitment and her perseverance – she was raising money to go out and serve people. If that isn’t an act of kindness and doing God’s work, I don’t know what else is.

Kindness doesn’t involve much; it just requires a loving heart. Many people think that it takes money to ‘do good’ for others. While money does help, it isn’t a requirement. Offering a listening ear to a lonely person, sharing a smile as someone passes by, offering to give someone a ride home who doesn’t have transportation or displaying a positive attitude in a stressful situation are all simple ways we can show kindness on a daily basis. Displaying a service before self disposition is one of the noblest ways to live and will surely create a ripple effect you never thought possible.

I learned this principle by observing the actions of men and women like Orrin and Laurie Woodward and George and Jill Guzzardo and spending time around the LIFE leadership community. In fact, I don’t know of any other organization on the planet that shows more kindness or a service before self attitude. That being said, let’s create a kindness revolution and live to serve others just as God lives to serve us.

“As for you, brothers, do not grow weary in doing good.” 2 Thessalonians 3:13

Love,

Kristen